Some blow? Most bankers I know like blow. Nah just give the man the food. He'll mak friends passing it around in the break room.

Starbucks gift card if he drinks from there. Or if you know where he likes to go. Can't go wrong with a gift card.

Fruit basket

They bribe the bankers where you live?!?!?!

^ I wasn't gonna say it, but that's what I was wondering. Is this a pretty significant favour you'll be asking?

A banker?!? You're going to asks favor of a banker? Good luck with that. Why not bring so astroglide so when he fucks you in the ass, which he will, it doesn't hurt so much.

A baby. They eat those right?

get your kid to deliver the canoli in a black backpack - you may make the evening news

I assume you're talking about a Chase or Bank of America type banker, rather than a Cayman or Swiss type banker. If so, they're no different than any other mid-level corporate employees. They have to worry about customer service ratings and Yelp reviews. I think a gift for a banker favor is a silly idea. Would you bring a gift to the Wal-Mart customer service desk if you were trying to return merchandise without a receipt, or a gift to the cable company representative if you were trying to talk your way out of a late fee? It's one thing if you actually have a personal relationship with the person (in which case you should know what he might like more than a bunch of webdippers). Save the cannoli for when you visit the Godfather.

Celtic Fox mentioned coffee, an idea that got me thinking. A gift certificate is too obvious a bribe for what I'll be asking, but some gourmet coffee might make an excellent offering. Certainly a most prudent suggestion on her part, especially if combined with a cannoli. Where a cannoli might fail to please, coffee can serve as a safety net.

The fruit basket suggestion, this time from Draugnar, was well received but had to be discounted. While I personally would welcome a gift of fruit, the climate of the these people is so homophobic as to prohibit any such gift. A shame, perhaps.

I next received a question from G1 regarding bankers and bribes, to which the answer is no. People don't. And that's why they get bad service.

Thank you all for your advice. My final decision is to be coffee and cannoli. I am in your debt.

With you rluck, he'll drink tea only and be a diabetic. :-)

@ Al: "When I was kid, gifts were easy - you gave military guys vodka..."

Really? You grew up a a time, and in a community, where children regularly gave gifts of alcohol to soldiers?

@Draug That's why I said a gift card.

But the gift card could be viewed as a bribe. Bankers are trying to avoid the appearance of impropriety. I figured the fruit basket just because it could be shared around the office but still has some class (not like a popcorn tin :-) ).

@Draugnar,

No, I actually liked your suggestion, because it has class. I like fruit.

Okay, if no one has any objections, I'm changing the subject to fruit.


Anyone tried a tamarillo? I can't stop thinking of these and they're difficult to get.

@Al, I understand you've made your final decision but just wanted to add a tidbit. If they are so homophobic that a "fruit" basket would be a problem, then reverse the innuendo and give them a "muffin" basket. ;-)

Actually, the baked goods backet (I know it was a joke, Alde) is a very feasible gift. Still shareable around the office and makes the recipient the kind for the day. Shareable gifts are always the best gifts.

But the question still comes down to what you could possibly be asking that would require a bribe. Today's banks give out loans based on computer numbers. You could give them the keys to a new Porsche and if the numbers don't line up, they won't give you a pay day loan.

@Draugnar
...and regarding the tamarillo?

Never heard of a tamarillo. I know what a tomatillo is though (good in salsa). If a tamarillo tastes like a regular tomato, I'll pass. Both are members of the nightshade family after all.

Draugnar,

While the tamarillo is likewise a member of the nightshade family, if you were ever to break your abstinence from this rather tasty set of plants, tamarillo would make an excellent occasion. The fruits are egg shaped and about 4-10 centimeters long. Their color varies from yellow and orange to red and almost purple. Sometimes they have dark, longitudinal stripes. Red fruits are more acetous, yellow and orange fruits are sweeter. The flesh has a firm texture and contains more and larger seeds than a common tomato. The fruits are very high in vitamins and iron and low in calories (only about 40 calories per fruit).

Actually, I like tomatillos in salsas. They tomato is the only one I don't like. As long as the flavor is distinctly different, I'll give it a try.

And I read the same wikipedia page. :-P

Is your banker friend a smoker? Some good cigars might be nice.

I can recommend some particularly excellent stogies that can be found at any decent cigar shop. But they aren't cheap (upwards of $20 a stick).

Hmm... stopping by with a single cigar might make Al look cheap. Can you recommend some moderately excellent stogies that cost more like $5.00 or $7.50 each?

Hecks! That is a fantastic idea. Unfortunately I happen to know that he is a non-smoker. But you're definitely thinking along the right lines. Best idea that I've heard so far.

I should have asked you first!

Sure. Not everything I smoke costs $20 each. Arturo Fuente Heimngway Signatures are maybe $8-9 as singles, and Macanudo Portofinos or Hyde Parks can behad under $7 as single sticks. The CAO line is almost all under $8 a stick and the Italia, Brazilia, and l'Anniversary Cameroon are all excellent choices from CAO. If you kidn find them Gurhka Crests are under $8 and quite excellent, but I only ever find them online.

And in case you were wondering, my humidor has a full box each of the Hemingway Signatures, CAO l'Anniversary Cameroons, Gurkha Crest Torpedos, and Ave Maria Charlemagnes plus a variety of singles, three packs, and five packs.