As someone who is recently divorced, I'd say don't do it too early in life (you should be past 25), know the person you are with for years before tying the knot, and don't jump into having kids right away and enjoy the marriage for a while.

Of course, everyone is different, but that's the advice I would give to myself when I was in my early 20s (granted, when I was in my 20s, I probably would have ignored it).

Definitely, RH. There is some measure of compromise required of course, but there are no limits to the benefits you can gain from a really, committed marriage.

Thanks all!
Are you married LF?

I'd like to get married, yes, but I'm not certain I will, chiefly because of what zultar said at the end of his post.

I also really don't want to get married if there is even a noticeable chance of divorce. I don't really know how one would discuss this with a potential spouse though, so there is that doubt that's always there.

For me the point of marriage is the inseparability, if there's not that, may as well not get married at all. I dunno.

I guess I shouldn't have posted cause I'm not married, sorry.

Thucydides shouldn't have revealed his age, now I read his every word with different eyes. Prejudice? Definitely. But so it goes.

Redhouse, don't worry about whether getting married is a good idea. You'll eventually succumb to peer pressure like everybody does.

@FK so are you getting married in the future?
@Thucy, feel free to post whatever you like.
@Zmaj, are you married?

Yes RH, I have been married for 4 1/2 years. I definitely agree with Zultar, my wife is my best friend, though she doesn't really care too much about Diplomacy, unfortunately. We do enjoy watching basketball games together.

I most certainly am. I didn't feel like asking myself "what's the big deal?" for the rest of my life. And it's no big deal.

It is my considered opinion that women, or a woman are (is) an expensive hobby for gentlemen, far less expensive to have a yacht.

oh another typo

...expensive hobby for a gentleman, far less.....

There is always a chance of divorce. That's life, always risk and reward. There's no free lunch here.
And there are always times when things are rough. Trust me. I know me, and being with me ain't no cake walk. Everybody who knows both of us knows that my wife is a freaking saint (or masochist) for staying with me. I see crap and I call it out regardless of what it is or who's doing it (makes life interesting, well for me at least).

Marriage is nothing more than a social convention. The symbolism of commitment is more important than anything else when you get married. I don't want to derail the thread, but this is also why I think people should be able to "marry" anyone they want. The sanctity of marriage lies in the commitment and willingness to compromise, not in the sex or gender roles of the participants.

@Thucy, if you find someone who you love and who reciprocates that feeling, then do what works for you. Don't worry so much about the social convention or expectation. It's more important to do what is important to the both of you.

@thucy:
"I also really don't want to get married if there is even a noticeable chance of divorce. I don't really know how one would discuss this with a potential spouse though, so there is that doubt that's always there."
Thucy, no one getting married ever thinks there is a chance for divorce. Unfortunately, after a long period of time, things can come up. I was with my ex 5 years before marriage, then was married 10 years before divorce. It was a sad ordeal and the worst experience I've ever been through, so I'd not recommend it to anyone.

@RH
"so are you getting married in the future?"

Ready for some hypocrisy? The girl I'm currently with right now I've been with for only 4 weeks. In my head I'm convinced I'll end up marrying her in a year or two. She's pretty much perfect for me (and I for her) in every way we can figure out, we've both been through divorces, both have children, both know a good thing when we find it.... so it is a different situation than a young person figuring out marriage for the first time.

I probably wouldn't get married for the sake of a commitment to love at this point. But I would get married for the benefits (like insurance, etc...). At this point in my life, I could commit and live with someone as if by marriage, but wouldn't want to say 'I do' without needing the benefits, if that makes sense. Divorce has soured my opinion of marriage in some sense....
but, again, I'm going to be a hypocrite and say that I will eventually marry the girl I'm currently dating...

I'm very lucky. My wife and I got married quickly, within a year of meeting one another--and we were both young. We've been through some hell together. It took us over ten years to mature and to learn how to get through a lot of issues--money, sex, religion, in-laws, health, the whole spectrum. We both have considered giving up at different points, but we've both made the commitment to stick with it. It's paid off, immensely. Now we have a very good marriage. Passionate, companionable, supportive. We both do our own thing, and we both love to be together.

So my advice is to be very choosy about who you marry in the first place, and then, once you make the commitment, to stick with it. Give it a second, third, fourth, fifteenth chance. Don't give up until and unless it is clear that you will be miserable sticking with it, and then make sure the faults do not lie in yourself. It's worth the effort.

Dipplayer is right. Patience is the key.

Obviously I'm not saying it would not happen to me, indeed it probably will if I do ever get married.

But I am personally fully committed to the idea of staying in no matter what outside of abuse and persistent infidelity. I was just saying that I want to find someone who is similarly committed, that's all.

Also, did you think I was older or something?

Because I don't have any idea how you might have gotten that impression. I act immature as shit.

Also it seems you yourself didn't reveal your age Zmaj. Cheater. Now I want to know your age.

@Thucy

Have you been on the Forum? All of the immature people on this site are <16 or >40.

I'm old enough to get married, that's all you and everyone else need to know. Knowing everything about each other is lame in a forum.

And yes, I thought you were older. Yes, that's a compliment.

I have to agree with Zultar as well. My husband is my best friend and even plays diplomacy. However I think it's a good idea to live together before getting married. I have seen several couples split because they just couldn't stand living together.

Thanks all! I'll put some coals on the fire tomorrow morning :-)

For all of you guys that are married though, I plan on proposing June 30th...How nervous were you proposing? What did you do?

I thought you were already engaged SG?

I'm not married. I live with my long term girlfriend, 3+ years. We have a 10 month old daughter. She is the primary income earner and I am a stay at home papa who is working on a master's degree. We live each other. I enjoy our time together and we don't plan on marriage. Unless I lose my health insurance when I graduate and don't get a job.

@smc

Any particular reason you've decided to do it that way?

We almost did that SMC but got married for health care among a few other thing.

I've been married 17 years this year. The only advice I can give is that you'll know if it feels right - I asked after 4 months of dating, and we were engaged for another 2 years (venue issues). My parents got enaged after 2 weeks, and will hit 50 years of marriage in a couple of years time.

As for timing - I wasn't even planning it - the question just appeared, and the timing was right. It wasn't a big romantic moment, but it worked.

I don't get the point of engagement, but did it anyway. My wife picked out the ring on the day Obama was elected. We went to go vote and thought it'd take longer than it did so we had time to kill before the election party and went looking for rings. She picked one while I was on the phone. That was that.

Don't overspend on the damn wedding, btw. Just throw a simple party. Nobody cares about the ceremony anyway.

Wedding planning is the most obnoxious part of the whole thing. It turned out fine but damn even organizing a small wedding is stressful.

Make sure you get along with your partner's parents and siblings. It's rather important.