BAL @ DEN Ray Rice goes nuts on a depleted Denver D and Ravens win a close but low scoring game.
NE @ BUF Buffalo curbstomps all over THE PATRIOT WAY and EJ Manuel proves to be the next RGIII except we already know his legs are shot. Buffalo wins with a last second FG.
SEA @ CAR Cam Newton goes apeshit and ESPN talks about the OVERRATED Seahawks for the next six months.
CIN @ CHI Cutler gets sacked 8 times, spends second half sulking on exercise bike. Ginger Hammer throws for 300 yds and 3TDs in a Cincy rout.
MIA @ CLE Even Cleveland fans only care about their team for fantasy reasons. Browns win 6-3.
MIN @ DET AP runs for 300 yards but Vikings still lose by 14 because Ponder has the arm strength of a sixth grader.
OAK @ IND Indy wins by 30 after McFadden tears ACL on first carry. Pryor makes fans reminisce for JaMarcus.
KC @ JAC Did the Jaguars move to London yet? Chiefs by 13.
ATL @ NO Two monster offenses with two top 5 QBs, so naturally this will end up as a 10-9 barn burner. ATL wins.
TB @ NYJ So the Jets went all in on the GENO SMITH ERA which ends with Smith getting pulled in the second half of a TB blowout win.
TEN @ PIT Holy shit how are there so many terrible matchups this week?
GB @ SF This whole game will be one big Redzone highlight. GB wins 50-43 (don't even know how a team gets to 50
- 7 TDs and one two point conversion? 13 FGs and 2 TDs?)
ARI @ STL Carson Palmer proves everyone right and throws for 120 yds with 3 INTs and a lost fumble. Rams win behind 2 defensive TDs.
NYG @ DAL Buddy Ryan does this a bunch of times: http://img.gawkerassets.com/img/1888pkpr4ph5igif/ku-xlarge.gif. Eli is UNSTOPPABLE just like his CITIZEN WATCH and Giants win big.
PHI @ WAS Eagles have the ball for a grand total of 5 minutes because their shitty BLUR offense keeps going 3 and out. Washington wins in a walkover.
HOU @ SD How did Philip Rivers get so shitty in such a short period of time? Texans by 17, Foster has a huge game because he's on my fantasy team.
Obi, Where are you?
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