Well, I am too young to consider "breeding" as you put it, though many people my age would disagree. That said though, I am glad that my parents brought me into this world, would you have rather never had existed?

I don't plan on having kids. They cost money. A lot of money. Money that I could spend on cars and guns.

jmo: That question isn't relevant; Obviously a person that doesn't exist has no opinions. What I'm getting at is the issue of whether the parent's life is genuinely enriched by having the child.

Gunfighter: I'm with you on that.

My partner and I have discussed it, and we both want to have kids some day, I grew up with my mum (yes I'm Australian) doing family daycare at home, so there have always been kids around me, I am a youth counselor and I generally just enjoy being around kids and teaching them new things, I get a really sense of achievement teaching something new to a child, the look of pride they get when they learn something new that they struggled with, plus they see the world in such a unique way that isn't jaded by bills, work, mortgage repayments, health care, and all the other responsibilities that we as adults have to face.

all this isn't taking into account that it's in our genetic code to reproduce, to ensure the continuation of our species...

there are many arguments for why not to have kids because of the often crapsack world we seem to live in... but the desire to nurture something that is very much a part of you and watch it grow is something that can't really be explained, for some people it's just as important as the need to breath or eat... without it life is almost meaningless

First, I chose to adopt because I wanted to help the children that are already in this awful world who didn't have anyone else to help them. I adopted a child that was four when the proceedings started, is a minority, and has special needs, which is usually a ticket to being a ward of the state until 18.

I'd like to say that we had our biological son directly because we felt so enriched by that experience, but he was an accident because we legitimately thought we couldn't have biological kids (and had been having unprotected sex with each other for over ten years). But regardless of how he came into the world, I do feel enriched by both of them and only hope that they feel as enriched by me later in their lives.

I like the action and avoid the by-product

and quite succesfully

@Sacred, I'm adopted, one of the best things to happen to me, my bio mum wasn't ready or able to give me the childhood I needed, my adoptive mum did.

adoption is the best option when under 20

@Azygous: Glad to hear it. I hope my son says the same thing when he's an adult. :)

@ Sacred, can I suggest one thing, and it is just a suggestion. Don't hide the fact, I knew from a very young age, about 3 or 4 that I was adopted. there is a lot of stigma around whether to tell and when to tell. As I got older I respected my parents for having the courage to tell me, it was never treated as a "we have some bad news" and because I was such a young age I the concept was actually easier for me to understand without feeling lied to or betrayed.

I of course don't want to say how you should or shouldn't raise them, I just know that for me personally it was never hidden from me so I never felt any different because of it. I just knew that there were people who made the choice to have me in their lives and love me

Oh, no, he's fully aware. It would be difficult for him not to know, as we're both incredibly Caucasian and he is an African-American. And he was four when he was adopted, so he was old enough to be aware of his biological family. We speak about it openly and have made no efforts to hide it from anyone.

The funny part to me is that most people just assume that he's my wife's from a previous marriage.

I am happy to hear that it has all gone well for you then and I wish you continued happiness in the future.

And if I do want kids, it seems selfish to have my own when there are so many unwanted or orphaned children crammed into group homes.

That's awesome, SD.

Yes good on you SD. I would like to adopt, but I suppose it will depend on whoever my future partner is (if I end up having one lol).

Anyway, supposing I do lucky in such a way, I would hope also to have a biological child or children with her. And now, behold my reasoning (in no order):

1) Biology - if I don't raise kids that can have their own kids, I am evolutionarily dead. All the ancestors that worked their asses off to bring me into the world would be silenced, as would my own special genetic combination.

2) Tradition - my brother is gay, and thus will probably not have biological kids. I am thus the only chance my parents have of having biological grandchildren. This is related to the above, but goes beyond - I am also male, and the only person within several degrees of separation that might give our family another generation. I say might because I am not dumb enough to assume I will have a boy, and not chauvinist enough to insist on repeated tries until I have a boy. It matters to me, but nowhere near that much. From another perspective, I feel that whatever sex I was, I would want a child of the same sex, because I know what it's like to be a boy, not a girl. But this is a minor issue. If I could just pick, I would choose male, but I have no intention on forcing that issue at all. Because I know if I were a woman I would want a girl, so it's only fair. One more thing on tradition - people have kids, traditionally. It would be continuing the tradition in that sense as well. This point however is not very important to me. A lot of things about my life are non-traditional.

3) Personal belief - I believe that, contrary to TWA's opinion, life should be created, on principle. Thus if I had the resources to raise I could, my beliefs are such that I feel I *should* do such. As jmo said, I am glad I was born. For the same reason I oppose suicide, I am in favor of birth. Life is a good thing, despite its hardships. Those hardships are an essential part of the human experience, and I would absolutely cherish the opportunity to bring another human into the world and take care of their needs as a young'un.

4) Instinct - This is different from the first reason, which is cerebral. This one is just the "awwww kids!" feeling in me. I see people with kids. I think the kids are cute and wonderful and feel an urge to take care of them. And to have my own. Some people say this instinct is only in women, or is stronger in women. Hell no. I definitely want kids at a primal level, at an emotional level, a logical level. It goes on and on.

Also it would just be so great to get to raise my own kids and teach them what I know. If you don't have kids you never have a captive audience like that. I want to be someone's dad, it's about as simple as that.

That said I know that given my choices I may never have kids. That's ok. Bummer, but I'm not going to have too many issues over it. Or, I hope I don't. Also I might end up being infertile or something, who knows till you try, right? Or she would be.

It would definitely not be a dealbreaker if my partner was infertile - that's fucking terrible. If she didn't want kids at all though.... I would have to think long and hard. That would be a hard choice.

I have an 11 month old daughter. She is wonderful, most of the time. I am very glad she was born and I feel no need to justify having her. Nor, do I care why anyone else chooses to or not to have kids.

If you must know, my girlfriend got pregnant accidentally. Then she lost the pregnancy. Until she lost the first pregnancy I didn't know if I wanted kids. Afterwards I knew I did.

^ word. I feel like if you've never had a kid you just can't know. From what I hear anyway. I've never had a kid, so I dunno!

This topic is the best on this site by far in the short time I have been a member of this community.

I understand people wanting kids on one hand, but on the other hand I just think of all the baby poo and spit up and am totally turned off by the idea myself. That being said, my husband and I have thought about adopting in a decade or so if we do decide to have children.

@ Celtic... the baby poo and spit up are specks on the radar =)

@ thatwasawkward
I'm not sure there's a suitable answer to your question since the decision to (or not to) have children is such a personal one. I have three kids, ironically only one of which was truly planned (i.e. we didn't intend to have our eldest so soon after marriage and the youngest was along the lines of "dear... I have something to tell you" as I was doing the 'no more day-care expense' dance). In all three cases, we are most certainly happy that we had them - they are all quite different, unique and wonderful, though I'm not looking forward to college tuition next year.

However, I can speak to the idea of deciding not to have children because the world is such a awful/brutal place. To that I say:

You have a choice. You can teach your children to love, learn, rise above mankind's past and make the world a better place; or you can teach them to hate, remain ignorant, repeat all of humanity's mistakes and lose hope for a future. You make that choice every single day, by your thoughts, words and actions. They think, they hear and they see.

Choose the former. It is far more difficult, but it is the only way our children will ever realize that they can and will make a difference. It is the only way that they can and will eliminate the unncessary pain, suffering, violence and hopelessness that too many experience.

It is easy to complain and do nothing. It is easy to distance ourselves from that which doesn't directly affect us. But teach them the power of one. Teach each and every one of them that they can make a difference. The choices they make matter. The choices you make matter. Teach them every day of your life.

I don't worry about the hellhole that they are born into because I've attempted to teach them that they can make an impact. The scale of that impact will be determined by them, but there is no limit to the ripple they can create.

On a more deeply personal level, I admit that some of my greatest pleasures have been when they've reached out to take my hand when we take a walk; snuggle up when they are tired and fall asleep on my chest, or the countless "moments" that I've shared w/ them.