Trump asks to buy the Moon from Goblonia

[brainbomb]

The Moon, and more specifically its purchase by the US, is being actively discussed in Donald Trump’s Oval Office. But what exactly is it that makes one of the Solar systems most desolate places such an attractive proposition?

For the president, it is the real estate deal of a lifetime, one that would secure an Iron foothold on the moon which governs our Tides, and cement his place in US history alongside President Andrew Johnson, who bought Alaska from Russia in 1867, and Thomas Jefferson, who secured Louisiana from the French in 1803.

To Trump’s advisers, the planned multibillion-dollar takeover challenges Goblonias dominance of doing weird shit and shooting people without due process. We know the moon is rich in industrial metals and helps to block Goblonia’s renewed military ambitions.

Not that Washington has put a value on the Moon ahead of Trump’s meeting next month with razorfang, the goblonian leader, and the goblonian prime minister, steal-yo-gurl. These are early days in the discussion, Trump said.

The moon is an autonomous region that effectively runs itself while Goblonia, the secret moon cheese goblins, its sovereign owner, takes care of defence and foreign policy.

Moon People: what do you think about Trump's comments about your country?
The three leaders were due to discuss Goblonia's Nato contributions, which Washington has long believed could be higher, and could be more in kind – such as extra green cheese – than in goblin dungeoun gold, given the moons strategic position between the US and Russia.

But Trump’s advisers have spent much of their time in the West Wing downgrading concerns about Steal-yo-gurl and his military ambitions in favour of plotting how to win an economic war with these sneaky little scrubs.

This is why an age-old conversation with the Moon about leases for parcels of land has developed into one about buying the whole place outright.

[Randomizer]

Well Trump has time after he cancelled his trip to Denmark. Denmark refuse to even consider Trump's lame deal that grossly undervalued Greenland's value. Plus the Internet is showing all Trump's failed deals and bankruptcies as memes.

[brainbomb]

the moon cheese goblins will not give up their ancestral paradise so easily.

[Jamiet99uk]

I thought America already owned the moon? Didn't they stick a flag in it?

[Octavious]

Is buying Greenland so crazy? It's not as if Denmark has done anything with it, and it costs them a small fortune. There's only 50,000 odd people there, so an offer of $100,000 each and US citizenship for anyone who wants it is feasible and likely more than enough to get the locals onside. Throw Denmark a bone and I'd guess that you could get it for 100 billion or so.

[Octavious]

Thinking about it, maybe you don't need a bone. The locals have been talking about independence for years, and the 300th anniversary in 2021 has been expected to be a focus for independence efforts. The main problem to independence has been the vast subsidies Denmark pays them each year, but if they could be confident of a lucrative American welcome instead of finding themselves lost and alone the biggest problem goes away.

Trump may well get Greenland for a bargain price without Denmark getting a penny.

It's going to be a fun one to watch :)

[Randomizer]

Greenland has substantial natural resources that are becoming available thanks to climate change melting the ice so there is access to them. Only a failed businessman like Trump would sell out at below value.

[Octavious]

Greenland has substantial natural resources that are becoming available thanks to climate change melting the ice so there is access to them. Only a failed businessman like Trump would sell out at below value.

If the population of Greenland vote overwhelmingly for independence Denmark may find themselves without a choice in the matter. Europeans dictating to Indians who gets to run their country doesn't tend to go down too well in the modern age.

[peterlund]

As some Danes commented. If he is that stupid, it is better that he does not come at all. Why should the Danes be forced to play along in that comedy show with such a shithead?

I understand why UK is forced to play along in the Trump show keeping him happy on the state visit to the UK. They need some friend after brexit. What a nice friend indeed!

GOOD LUCK!!

[Matticus13]

The Moon Shall Rise Again

[Jamiet99uk]

The problem with this is how arrogant and tactless and crass Trump is, as per usual.

[MajorMitchell]

Boris Badenuff has lined up Dr Who to sell Trumptoad the rest of this century with an option on the 22nd century & the USA will have time space continuum greatness