Have you spoken to HR?
Or your EAP?
(Employee Assistance Program)?

I know EAP and politics get involved with HR

Don't remember it, but all bushfires are horrible- or you call them wildfires, same diff.
Tho at least you guys force people to leave when things are too bad, we don't.... we let them stay if they want... and... die

Hate to say I work for the government. I complain a lot about the govt for a reason....

Back to Tail tho....
seriously man, check out ur HR dept- its all discreet too so NO ONE ever knows about it

What?
Only in America Tail..... it's against the law in most countries for politics to be involved- its an Employee right.... and its usually outsourced to guarantee privacy

lol.... but you work for a DECENT part of the govt!

so do we...
We encourage them to leave but can not make them leave. It is their property...
If they want to die defending that is their choice...

You can not stop a guy from putting a bullet through his head, or overdosing on any thing...

It is not outsourced here.
They say it is but I know for a fact it is a part of my record....

Really?
well we still wont change the laws despite our worst natural disaster on record.....
I just find it sad that you guys try to make people leave, and when they don't you know when u come back, they'll all be dead.
Must be a fuck$ng tough job!

Ok. I will try to give a straightforward answer for you Tail. You screwed up a lot, but you realize this and have gotten past that. Everybody makes mistakes. What seems to be the problem is your mindset. You need to show her that you can still be emotional and show her that your job isn't the only important part of your life. You need to realize that as well. Your job isn't worth shit if you lose your family. You just need to concentrate on adjusting your mindset. Ditching the drinking would help as well. You just need to hang in there and persevere through the tough times. And like Crayster said, you need to see someone before December.

The joke thread I said should be kept quiet for a reason....

*Crazyter

wydend I agree with you...
how old are you???
since my personal shit is her for you. I am guessing you can tell me how old you are and whre you are from....

Tail, I want you you to promise us that when you sober up in the morning you will read this whole forum thread again, alright?

"I just need to talk to a real person..." YES!! so tomorrow you are going to pick up that phone and make that call to a real person and get an appointment for right away

I'd hope so, Crazyter;)

Off to grab a beer, its beer o'clock and hot here.....
Hope this has helped a little Tail- have a good arvo mate

I am 18 and from Michigan, and obviously don't understand fully the situation you are in (since I am young and not yet in the marriage realm), but one of my good friends parents were in a very similar situation. It had the drinking, the affair and the problems. They stuck with it and are on a pretty good path right now.

@Tail - I can relate to the detachment thing, but for different reasons. I spend all day thinking logically. It's what makes me a good programmer, but makes me a bad spouse as I don't have enough empathy for situations that could have been avoided with a little deductive reasoning and an analytical approach. My wife (like many wives) is a emotional creature where I am not.

But, that being said, your two biggest issues are the drinking in general (as has been pointed out, it runs in the family) and the trust you destroyed with the affair. I've been married almost 21 years and we may call each other names and fights and stuff, but the only times we've ever slept apart was when I was travelling on business.

You need to do those things you did tonight not so you'd have an excuse to drink, but so you could butter her up for some great makeup sex and cuddling. Next time, instead of bringin beer home, bring home a bottle of a nice wine for you two to share after the kids are in bed. You'll find the sharing and talking to her to be a much better medicine for the stress of the day than getting drunk on a case of beer.

LOL
18 years of this shit is a long time
14 years of marriage is also a long time....
I do not plan to throw either away....
I already feel better.
i have gotten this off of my chest....

Oh okay so two blonde chicks are in a desert.
One is on a row boat in the sand rowing in the sand.
The other is passing by in a sports car convertable.
The blonde in the convertable sees the blonde on the row boat and says to herself in a pissed off voice.
"God she is the reason why blondes are called dumb.............I wish I could just swim over there and slap her."

The comedian of the night Time to Kill

"Ahh thank you Im here all night trying to cheer up that guy (points at tailboarder) right there"

Tail- One last piece of advice- i assume its late in America?
IE: Early morning?
So go sleep and cuddle your wife instead of talking to us.... that would help more i think....

Oh, and remember that she is stressed the whole time you are away because of the inherent risks of your job...

Draugnar - I knew I liked you....
I can not even tell you...
I hate the fact I have put this on 4 pages of the forum....

Sepends on where tailboarder is at. Only 9 PM in California right now, but midnight in New York.

Ohh I got a good one..hope crazyter doesnt get mad. You guys got to get into this one.

Okay a man is driving a motorcycle. He hits a woman. whos fault is it?

Thanks tail. And thank you for doing a dangerous job. Just remember, you loved her once and she loved you. Think about how you wooed her when you dated and "rinse and repeat". You'll find your way back. And I'm here any time you want to talk relationships. Mine's a few years farther along than yours, so I can definitely relate.