LOL no I NEVER drink at work I would get fired...
I drink after my kids are in bed...
I have emotional detachments and abandonment issues according to our marriage counselor.

@ cwute - that is the problem... I manipulate situations well in advance. All part of the narcissistic problem...

hmmmm... glad re no drink @ work- tho i was joking there, i didnt expect an answer of yes;)
emotional detachments about????
and abandonment issues relating to? your wife? kids?
when u were a kid?

I knew I was gonna get drunk tonite and that is why I did so much round the house...

Ah.... so u know you are Narcissistic, but do you know WHY?
Do you care that you are?
i mean, do you want NOT to be so narcissistic?

It seems to me the big issue is your wife. Better put it's actually the fact that you consider her responsible for the situation, yet you are unwilling to do something radical about it like getting a divorce. This is absolutely normal. People that live together for a long period of time tend to form a compulsive dependence on one another. After all, this is the essence of human relationships. Relationships are a lot harder to work out than games like diplomacy :P Don't get so depressed though. Everyone has problems like that. You just have to find your way of coping with them or use distractions to avoid thinking about them. If there is enough will from both sides there is nothing that can't be fixed. Even if you feel rather confused right now, eventually it will become clear whether things can improve or not.

Hmm two stupid guys go to college

The first stupid guy gets his schedule and sees he is taking (Math, science, and social studies)
The second stupid guy goes to get his schedule from the counsulors.
He walks up to the counsulor.
counsulor: "Here is your schedule!"
stupid guy: "so Im taking math, science and LOGIC? MMMM I know math and science but what is logic"
counsulor: "Ohh here let me give you an example. Do you have a Goat?"
stupid guy: " Yes I do have a goat."
counsulor: "So you must have a yard for the goat to poop on, am I right?"
stupid guy: " Yes you are right."
counsulor: "so you must have a barn to keep up the yard right?"
stupid guy: "Yes I do have a barn."
counsulor: " So you must have a house near the barn right?"
stupid guy: "Yes I do!"
counsulor: "So while your at college you must have somebody at home watching the barn right, Im going to guess that is your wife?"
stupid guy: "YES!! It is my wife."
counsulor: "So out of all that i figured out that you are heterosexual."
stupid guy: "I am I get it now, thank you thank you."
counsulor: " Your welcome, Bye."

The stupid guy walk to the 1st stupid guy and says
Stupid Guy: "Hey dude Im taking Math Science and Logic, what about you?"
1st stupid guy: "Ohh I got math and science but what is this Logic you speak of?"
Stupid Guy: "here let me give you an example. Do you have a Goat?"
1st stupid guy: "NO?"
Stupid Guy: "YOUR GAY!!!!"

Hope that cheers you up.

emotional detachment- as a kid yes

The first line is a good joke too but I expanded It.

I damn near raised myself my sister and brother...
My father was a raving alcohoic and my mom was trying to raise us alone....

As a kid.... ok, so that stems from childhood stuff... but you said your marriage counselor said you have these still?

I think we all have some sort of emotional detachment in some form or another... you aren't alone there. your wife sounds like she has too, else she'd be able to see your perspective, but she's detached from that and probably in her self assured cocoon...

But what about the abandonment issues? from childhood or relating to your family leaving you?

LOL
I never had a goat...
I must be gay thus my problem....

Ooh, well I wish you good luck tailboarder, I would like to think I can somewhat relate to how you're feeling even though I'm in a completely different situation in my life than you are in yours. Good luck with whatever decision you make on the whole counseling thing, and hopefully it all turns out for the best.
Keep your head up, because you're a really kickass guy.

I had an affair.

Hey, i know what you mean Tail...

so- i think what you need first of all is to ditch the drinking... or at least cut back- alcholism runs in families.....
I have seen enough of that as a kid, so know where ur coming fromm as the oldest child.

how MUCH do you drink? is it every day?
do you like drinking or does it make you feel better?
or does it just drown stuff out?

Yea to Vamos (cheer from the huge crowd of supporters "ahhhhh ooohh ahhh")

If that makes you feel any better, I'm in a 9 years old relationship with the last 4 years featuring me thinking whether I should split with her or not. I have yet to figure out the correct answer :P

I have no issues with women as a whole...
I flirt with all of them.
My wife has no issues with that.
She has issues with the fact that I fell in love with another and after moving out she took me back....

I drink cause I like the feeling...
I drank a WHOLE LOT MORE when I was in the affair.

I drink about 24 a week now give or take...
Tonite I have had roughly 12 and plan to have another 12

Honestly I don't care if I sleep in the guest room tonight. I prolly should so she can work tomorrow....

I think I understand now your real problem. You cant stand the restrictions that go along with marriage. That is not flirting and f#$king with other women, not drinking and all the rest. Maybe this is why you consider yourself a narcissistic? You want things to be done your way? Feeling like a big child that is obliged to become an adult?

Ah- thats probably what the main issue is then, at least in ur relationship- trust...

and @ hellalt... no relationship is perfect, NONE. it needs more work than a junkyard car does to keep it running(bad analogy i know), but since no 2 people are the same, it oils down to how much u care for and love the person, or how much u ache to be away from them. if its more of the former, then stick it out, but maybe take time out... you cant live in one anothers pockets after all

17 years is a long time to flush...
I do love her and would rather die than lose my kids....

cwute what if it's a 50-50 situation? :P

Do you flirt with other women for a reason?
insecurity?
genuine interest in any woman but ur partner?
why do you flirt....? would it matter if ur wife didn't want you to? i mean would you care?

Hellalt- what do you mean by 50-5?
in what context here?

50% positive things coming out from a relationship and 50% as negative side effects.
What are you supposed to choose then?

We have never been in each others pocket. That was one of our claims to fame. I trust her and have not stepped out in over a year...