" Jeffrey Preston Bezos personally came to the store nearest me. The staff had been informed prior, so they put up banners that said "Welcome, Jeff!", "Alexa, bring me the best CEO ever," and various other cute little puns and phrases meant to celebrate the occasion.
However, when his helicopter was about to land in the parking lot, his bodyguards told the district manager (who was visiting the store to meet Bezos) that there would be a delay. Apparently when he saw these signs, he refused to let the helicopter pilot land until they were removed. I was later told this was, in his own words, because he wanted to arrive unseen "like one of those Chinese guys in the video games, what do you call them… ninjas?"
When he finally made it into the store, the employees all cheered and clapped. Ignoring them, he asked to see all their tax returns (store policy was that employees carry them on our person at all times, which was actually the first change implemented right after the Amazon takeover), and fired the 15 poorest people, muttering something about "common street urchins" contaminating his "Mona Lisa". When a scrawny teenage boy bearing a crutch and a striking resemblance to a Dickensian Tiny Tim stepped forward, asking how he would afford his medical treatment without a job, Jeff Bezos pretended not to hear him and turned around. When the boy repeated the question, Bezos said loudly to his assistant, "You know, if medical care is suddenly so important, they should really fix that problem in my left ear that makes me not able to hear whiny little bitches". As he said this, he flung his leg out, apparently trying to make fun of the boy's attempts to walk over to him, but in the process knocked over an entire shelf of asparagus water. However he pretended not to notice and loudly fake-yawned, then immediately whipped around and fired the first person who came forward to clean it up, yelling "Oh, you think that needs to be cleaned up? Only MISTAKES need to be cleaned up. And Jeff Bezos doesn't MAKE mistakes!"
Next, he asked who was the manager. When she stepped forward, clearly worried, he pulled his 2nd generation AmazonTM Echo Show® from somewhere in his suit jacket, and in one swift motion clocked her at the base of her neck. Her eyes rolled back in her head, and she fell on the ground. Jeff Bezos stepped over her and, apparently answering his own question, said "Wrong. This is," placing his Echo down right in front of the door. "This is just one example of something you're all about to learn. Automation is the future," he said, "so I won't learn your names. You'll be out of a job by the end of the month. I'd download Amazon Flex, if I were you."
Chuckling to himself, he walked out, kicking out the glass in the automatic door with his perfectly polished shoe, since it apparently didn't open fast enough for him. "They're steel-toed. In case one of you ever tries to cross me. Except you, sweetheart, you can do whatever you want to me," he said, winking at the youngest female employee there, a high school freshman. When he finally made it outside, he stood on the sidewalk for a moment, let out a loud belch, then lifted his arms and was immediately picked up and carried away by a team of autonomous delivery drones."