I once mrt a man
From Calcutta he had travelled
Indian was his nationality
Dharma did he preach.
On closer inspection, I realised he was no man
Nor was he a woman
This was an illusion
God had sent to test me.
Eager to please, I asked him his business
'To teach and preach', he replied.
'Purveyor of false gods', I cried!
Luck was not on my side, however
Under his robes, was hidden an Asp
Swiftly he revealed his snake, and it leapt toward my face
Onions were all I had to defend myself with
Never fearing, I crushed the snake between two of them.
Evil was defeated.
So I turned to my God, who had magically appeared next to me, as you do.
'Father, did I please you?'
'Onions', he mused.
'Right though your sight was, I question your methods'
'Thou must show me how to crush a snake with an onion'
Hearing this, I saw my chance, and I taught God the Onion Smash Move.
Impressed, he bestowed upon me the title of the 'Holy Onion'.
Soon, I was famous all around the land, and people came to ask me to teach them the Onion Smash.
I taught many young disciples, blessed by God and protected by Onions.
When my days came to an end
I ascended to heaven on a chariot of Onions
Looking upon the Gates of Saint Peter, I wept
Life had led up to this moment, and the joy of seeing it had moved me beyond measure.
Carried by my chariot, I entered the pearly gates, and saw hovering over the heavens, a throne of Onions.
Royalty of Earth were gathered below, chanting to God as he smashes the snakes with the onions.
You might be expecting a moral to this tail, but really, Onions.
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