How many evangelicals does it take to change a light bulb?


Ten: one to change the light bulb and nine to pray against the darkness.

I agree. The baby, murder, and rape ones are disgusting. The priest ones are funny, though.

@The_Master_Warrior

The gay doesn't want to be thrown out the window...apparently there are a lot of gays in Sweden, lol.

Gay jokes are funny if they're legit and actually makes sense, but all this stupid, homophobic "gay as shit, blah blah blah" is just lame and moronic at best.

Why is a racist joke thread okay, but we draw the line at the baby ones? Dead Baby jokes have been around forever.

I thought Sweden was renowned for a high population of tall blond women? :)

@The_Master_Warrior

I'd disagree about the priest jokes. Not because of the religious part of it, but because that sort of thing absolutely ruins the lives of the young victims. To make crude jokes and laugh about something that has ruined a young person's life is cold at best, and pretty much fits in with what I posted a few moments ago.

Grumbledook, if the race-based jokes are about mutilating an innocent person then I have a problem with them too, but non-graphic race-based jokes that play on stereotypes and race relations are amusing (especially if they're about white people - for me) and because I like the insight into the stupid shit my race community does that I may or may not be aware of. Plus, I like to laugh at myself.

Eve was wandering around the Garden of Eden, kicking stones and obviously feeling disenchanted.
"What's wrong Eve?" said God.
"Well there's the 4 lions, where there used to be 2, 6 cats, where there used to be 2, 3 zebra, where there used to be 2, 20 snakes, where there used to be 2 and I've lost count of the number of rabbits." said Eve.
"Ah, you're feeling unfulfilled and alone. There's only one of you. That's the problem isn't it?" said God.
"You could say that." said Eve.
"Well", said God, "I have a confession to make. I can make a companion for you, but haven't for some very good reasons."
"Go on." said Eve, testily.
"Your companion will be called Man. He is war-like, argumentative, sulky; He'll have a one-track-mind, he'll lie when it suits him and he'll like fighting and killing things and beer."
"Beer?" said Eve.
"Don't worry about it." Said God.
"Ok. What are his good points?" asked Eve.
"He'll be stronger than you, faster than you, a better hunter than you; he'll be loyal (mostly), dedicated and, with patience and training, he'll even be good in the sack"
"I'll take him!" said Eve, hurriedly.
"Ok." said God. "But there's one thing else you should know. One very important thing. He's vain and proud and easliy hurt, so you have to promise me something. There's something you must never tell him. You must promise me that you'll never let on that I made you first.
"Ok. I promise." said Eve. "No problem."
"Fine." said God. There was a bolt of lighting on the other side of the hill.
"It's done. Now, close your eyes." said God.
Eve did and felt the flash from a very near bolt of lighting.
"Good. He saw that." said God. "Now he's coming over the hill to see what it was. He'll think he saw you being created. You'll remember your promise wont you? You'll tell him he was created first."
"Yes, of course." said Eve.
"Good." said God. "So it'll be our little secret, you know, just between us girls."

Baby Jokes: Ok, you asked for it. This jokes at least 40 years old.

"What's the difference between a truck load of sand and a truck load of babies?"
"You can't empty a truck load of babies with a pitch-fork."

That's some gentle comedy.

Good one, StA....

Damn! Sand I meant sand "You can't empty a truck load of *Sand* with a pitch-fork." Damn and Blast!

hahah i was thinking to myself "but you *can't* empty a truck load of sand with a pitchfork!"

and your god/eve one is priceless...

Yeah, the Eve one's great, especially because I can imagine the reaction from the Pat Robertson types, hehe.

You need to take the stick out of your ass, SteevoKun. Jokes don't hurt people, people hurt people.

A Jewish friend told me this one.

Why do you never see Jewish pizzerias? Too many ovens.

SteevoKun I know xD I live in the US. I couldn't remember the term so I just wrote out the definition

@Invictus

First of all, it's called desensitization, it's a sociological issue.

Second of all, anyone who thinks mutilating, raping, and killing little babies is funny has something wrong with them - every violent criminal starts somewhere, many start with violence targeting animals or younger children. Thoughts and acts of that nature in a great number of individuals often leads to them becoming sociopaths. If that happens on the individual level, when those acts and thoughts are isolated, what effect can such thoughts and events have on society at large as they become universalized, which not only means more people are affected but the individuals who are reinforce such thinking in each other.

And, to boot, my objection to the graphic jokes has been objective - Invictus, how about something a little deeper than "You need to take the stick out of your ass, SteevoKun"?

@Iceray0

Lol, okay. Do you know where "Chavs" comes from?

To counter the God Eve one:

Adam is starting to feel lonely, so he talks to God about it.

God says "I understand Adam. I can ease your sorrows by making you a partner. She will be beautiful, gracious, and will always understand and support you. She'll know how to make the most exquisite meals, how to tend to your house and garden, and she'll be completely faithful to you."

Adam says "Wow, that's great! What's the catch?"

G: "Well, I'll need to take soemthing from you to make her..."

A: "What? Tell me, I'll do anything!"

G: "I'll need one eye, one ear, one kidney, one lung, and half your hair."

A: "Oh, bummer... So what can I get for a rib?"

Any joke worth hearing offends someone. Who really laughs at elephant jokes? Dead baby jokes are funny BECAUSE they're terrible, BECAUSE it's no okay to do what the person in the joke does. It takes us outside of our comfort zone and we laugh because it's so terribly outrageous.

Telling a joke about dead babies doesn't make people kill and torture babies any more than telling a joke about Polish people makes anyone actually hate Poles. A joke isn't a deep, sociological problem, it's just a joke.

Invictus, I'm not talking about offense, I'm fine with being offended. Tell the meanest white, male, gay, Jewish, black jokes you want and while I may think they're stupid in certain instances I wouldn't feel this way about them. The issue I see here is the disregard for the worst thing that can happen to a young person - though thank god (or whatever's up there) that I don't know from experience.

As an example of the above - gay jokes. Most of the "gay jokes" people make are just stupid insults that have nothing to do with sexual orientation, but that's not on this level - stupid, but not something I find nauseating. However, if someone wants to talk about the way Matthew Shepherd was violently murdered after being targeted for being gay and laugh about it there's an issue there - even if the name and the details are changed so it's a fictional "joke."

There are sickos out there who actually mutilate, rape, and murder little children and babies and I simply have an issue with laughing at that.

While I'm not sure if you saw what I was saying this way, please don't think I'm trying to equate people who make these jokes with violent, sadistic criminals. I'm not saying there's a necessary cause-effect relationship between stories, jokes, thoughts about this and violent acts; however, there is a sufficient cause-effect relationship (i.e., I'm not saying this has to lead to violent acts, but it can and does in some instances however rare).

Obviously we disagree on this, and I don't see any reason to argue about it, but this is how I feel about such things.

Okay a man is driving a motorcycle. He hits a woman. whos fault is it?

































If you thought it was the womans your wrong.
The Man shouldnt of been driving his motorcycle in the kitchen.

Alright we get it, don't drive a motorcycle in the kitchen, I believe that is the second time that joke has come up in this thread.

Some people here take themselves way too seriously.

I didnt know someone else said that. Hopefully no one said this one...It is not racistbut it is not really a gay joke.


Hmm two stupid guys go to college

The first stupid guy gets his schedule and sees he is taking (Math, science, and social studies)
The second stupid guy goes to get his schedule from the counsulors.
He walks up to the counsulor.
counsulor: "Here is your schedule!"
stupid guy: "so Im taking math, science and LOGIC? MMMM I know math and science but what is logic"
counsulor: "Ohh here let me give you an example. Do you have a Goat?"
stupid guy: " Yes I do have a goat."
counsulor: "So you must have a yard for the goat to poop on, am I right?"
stupid guy: " Yes you are right."
counsulor: "so you must have a barn to keep up the yard right?"
stupid guy: "Yes I do have a barn."
counsulor: " So you must have a house near the barn right?"
stupid guy: "Yes I do!"
counsulor: "So while your at college you must have somebody at home watching the barn right, Im going to guess that is your wife?"
stupid guy: "YES!! It is my wife."
counsulor: "So out of all that i figured out that you are heterosexual."
stupid guy: "I am I get it now, thank you thank you."
counsulor: " Your welcome, Bye."

The stupid guy walk to the 1st stupid guy and says
Stupid Guy: "Hey dude Im taking Math Science and Logic, what about you?"
1st stupid guy: "Ohh I got math and science but what is this Logic you speak of?"
Stupid Guy: "here let me give you an example. Do you have a Goat?"
1st stupid guy: "NO?"
Stupid Guy: "YOUR GAY!!!!"

This is pretty bad...

What's the difference between and Paki and a bag of shit?



The bag!

Haha, nice tokill.

There are two men working in a mine. They're both wailing on some ore with pick axes, complaining about how hard they have to work.

Miner1: This is messed up. We have to work our asses off all day while the supervisor sits up in his office and does nothing.

Miner2: You're right! I'm gonna go talk to the supervisor!

The second miner walks up to the supervisor's office and bangs on the door. The supervisor answers and kindly lets the miner into his office asks what he wanted to talk about.

Miner: Boss, this is messed up. We stand down in the heat of the mine all day, working our asses off, while you sit up here in your office with your air conditioning all day long. What's up with that?

Supervisor: Well, it's something called intelligence.

Miner: Intelli-who?

Supervisor: Intelligence...you know, smarts.

The Miner looks stupefied, so the supervisor puts his hand in front of the wall and tells the miner to punch his hand. Of course, the miner refuses, but his boss insists so the miner swings at the supervisor's hand. The supervisor moves his hand at the last second and the miner's fist slams into the walls.

Supervisor: Smarts, doesn't it?

Feeling enlightened, the miner goes back to work, at which point his buddy asks him what the supervisor said. He tells him it's intelligence...you know, smarts. The other miner asks what he means. Laughing, the miner places his hand in front of his face and says, "Hit my hand!"

Heh, so not everyone got the joke about the Swedes and gays. :) But it's not that surprising. Jokes about neighbouring nationalities are usually very culture specific. But, I remind you that his was a chain for rasistic jokes, and whatelse would we Finns love to joke about more than the Swedes. With love, of course. ;)

How does a Swedish man get rid of a used condom?
- By farting!

Why don't Swedes eat spaghetti?
- They don't have plates long enough!

How do you sink a Swedish submarine?
- Knock on its hatch!

And finally:

A Swedish corvette is sailing at the Baltic Sea. It's captain sees a distant light. They send a radio message to the approaching ship: "You are on our path. Please change your course."

The answer is short. "No, you change your course."

The captain is stunned: "This is the captain speaking. You will need to change your course now!"

Again, they receive a short reply: "No, we are not intending to change our course."

The captain gets really mad: "Do you know who you are talking to?! This is HMS Victoria, the flagship of the Swedish Navy! Now change the course!"

"You change the course. This is a Finnish lighthouse."