PE -- Hrd to interpret exactly what you are saying, but I think you are probably looking for both that life of luxury that PE seeks, and maybe access to cheaper acohol.

Simplicity, my dear friend; a simple assault and battery is what you are seeking my friend. Or maybe a B&E....anything that might gain you a short stint in the local jail. It can't be too short...overnight isn't going to do; your going to need to catch a case that will get you, say, 90 days behind bars.

"Why?!?!", you shriek, "That's madness!"

No no no, my friend; it's *genius*.

Here's the deal - the jails are one of the last bastions of education left in the United States, and what you are seeking is a very specific education that is hard to find on the streets, and certainly not in the schools. In jail, we find man ignored, man at his lowest and most desparate, and therefore at his most ingenious!

You desire is alcohol, and what better place to find untaxed booze than in the pokey.

In here, you and your new friends will exchange all sort of good information, including cooking techniques, jewelry making, various artistic endeavors, even a degree in seminary...but most of all, some of the finest hooch-makers may sleep right above you...or next to you if the nights are especially cold.

The basic recipes will be easy, involving fruit snatched from the dinner trays or from the weak guy across the way, some bread for yeast, a source of sugar...I won't go in to the details, but that's what this adventure is all about: Education!

Watch your mentors, learn the different recipes, the best fruit to use, etc.

When you come out, a few trips to the local dumpster behind the deli or fancy restaurant and you'll have all the mostly fresh fruit you need to be on your way to cooking a life-long supply of delicious hooch.

Added benefit - 90 (or more...) days of 3 squares and a cot. Now THAT's living in the USofA.

Added benefit #2...love.