In the words of the 21st Century's greatest thinker:
"My fellow Americans, tonight I humbly come before you to declare War on Christmas. We did not ask for this war, but neither will we shrink from it. It is said that we provoked these hostilities through our use of the phrase "Happy Holidays". This is a lie. That was a phrase borne not of aggression, but of convenience.
But as long as our enemies view the words "Happy Holidays", not as a lazy man's way to avoid the time-sucking double-holiday salutation "I wish you a Merry Christmas and a Happy New Year", but rather as a subtextual "Fuck you and your Baby Jesus", THERE CAN BE NO PEACE!!
We now ask that Christmas immediately and unilaterally withdraw to its pre-'67 borders: Pre-1667 borders. ... Do this now, or face the full might of our secular multicultural society.
We will fight until we live in a world where free Americans everywhere seek not validation of their religious beliefs through Macy's signage. Where non-sectarian greetings are not seen as diminishing the most ubiquitous two-month holiday emergence since Caligula's birthday party. It's a world where Christmas will have to share state house rotundas, not just with Jews, but with Hindus, Buddhists, wiccans, santeros, atheists....
Until that day, I wish you and your family in this season a happy and heartfelt end of the fiscal fourth quarter."
-Jon Stewart
Happy belief-neutral winter festivities, motherfuckers.