2ndWhiteLine CAPITALISM You have two cows. You promise one of them to an ally in return for one of theirs. Theirs arrives, you apologise for not having one to give him as you've promised it to neighbour 2. Meanwhile you've sold a cow to neighbour 2 in two years time in return for prepayment. You trouser the money, then your rustlers grab HIS cows and when two years is up, give him one of his back. Now you have four cows: when neighbour 1 complains you stampede them over the top of him taking his remaining cow. With 5 cows you tell neighbour 2 to give you his last cow or else...

GUNBOATISM: You have two cows but you don't talk to them. Most of your neighbors agree that it is an inferior method of raising cattle.

Mmm a ribeye sounds great right now

Carebearism: your cows are all vegetarian and don't have knives

"ITALIAN CAPITALISM; You have two cows, but you don’t know where they are. You decide to have lunch."

Italians

Better watch it James. I'm part Italian ;).

So is he. He's also part Polish and every other kind of White under the Sun.

+1, this thread made me smile and laugh many times. :D

He's a regular ol mutt then eh?

Californian Capitalism: You have 3,000 cows. Over half of them are illegal immigrants.

Congoism: You have two cows. You don't know shit about either of them.

Canadian Bilingualism: An English cow and a French cow. The French cow learns English and demands the English cow to learn French.

Mexican capitalism: You have two cows. One uses drugs to take over your farm, and the other runs away.

You know, I feel like that could also describe other parts of Latin America (cough, Colombia, cough) even better.

bhuddism: You have two cows. One is a metaphor for your inner child. The other is the manifestation of anger toward a parental figure. You take one of the cows on walks through grassy fields by the gentle ocean waves. The other you beat with an anger bat.

You've heard de joke about de two cows? No? Pull de udder one!

KRELLINISM: you have two cows. you don't really care about them as long as your monkeys dance.

Whatever happened to krellin?

PPSCISM - You have one cow. Your six neighbor farmers each want the cow. After a long fight, you emerge the winner, but you still have to share the cow with the other farmers who aren't dead.

WTAISM - You have one cow. Your six neighbor farmers each want the cow. Everyone is desperately afraid of being left with nothing. After a long fight, all the farmers who aren't dead agree to share the cow.

McDONALDISM: You have no cows. You don't tell anyone this and continue to label your products as 100% beef.

BURGER KINGISM: You have no cows. You don't tell anyone this and continue to label your products as 100% beef.

Your fries are better.

HEDONISM: You've had 2 cows. You enjoyed it. So did the cows.

FIVEGUYSISM: You have two cows and man, you want everyone to know it.

CONSERVATISM: You have three cows. One is black, one is brown, and one is white. You chide your cows for taking handouts of hay. The black cow gets upset when you give it a brand, so you shoot it. The brown cow is eating some of the white cow's hay, so you build a fence to separate them. Then you give the white cow all the hay. When the white cow gets sick from eating too much hay, you refuse to call the vet. The cow gets better, but can no longer produce milk after the udder was removed due to an infection. You chide the cow for not working hard enough to overcome this disability. After your hay fields grow fallow due to a prolonged drought, you switch to feeding the cow grain. Luckily, you built a pyramid to store all your grain, so you have plenty to feed your cow with extra grain to spare. Meanwhile, the brown cow is very hungry, so it breaks through the fence to eat some grain and bring some back to its cow family on the other side of the fence. You return the cow to the other side of the fence, replace the fence with a wall, and hire a dozen mercenaries to patrol the wall carrying machine guns. Eventually, all your spending on defense means you can no longer afford to hire farm hands to help you grow grain, so your white cow has less to eat, so it produces less milk. This makes you angry, so you yell at the cow to make more milk while also lowering grain rations. When one of your calves is attacked and killed by a wolf, you angrily demand that the white cow turn over all its emails and you form a committee to investigate the death.

MINIMALISM: Cow

SURREALISM: You have two aardvarks. The government paints one green and requires you to take harmonica lessons.

POLITICAL CORRECTNESSISM You are associated with (the concept of “ownership” is a symbol of the phallocentric, warmongering, intolerant past) two differently aged (but no less valuable to society) bovines of nonspecified gender.

FREUDIANISM - You have two penises.

NIHILISM - Say what you want about the tenets of National Socialism, dude, at least its an ethos.