I always hated the "Where do you see yourself in __ years?" question. If I could see the future, I'd be making a fortune trading stocks and commodities and I wouldn't be sitting in this stupid interview, dumbass.

I hate when they ask about hobbies. It's none of their fucking business that I play poker for some fairly high stakes and that I drink and smoke cigars and play video games aamd live here when I have nothing better to do.

I usually lie and tall about how I like to volunteer and shit. If they find out later that I don't do any of those things, tough shit. Its not like I lord about where I worked or what degrees/certifications I have. It's a stupid question and shouldn't even be allowed.

The other is "Why are you looking for a job?" Maybe I'm unemployed or maybe I hate my current job. Does it really matter?

"Why are you looking for a job?"
This one is to filter out anyone who elaborates on why they are looking for a job. Or anyone who doesn't immediately bait and switch it.

" One of the questions I was asked was "What would your dream job be?"
Questions like that test your ability to "read between the lines". Such questions should always be interpreted in the context of "how are you going to be an asset to this company".
I admit I can't stand the bullshit either.

The answer I most often get to "Why are you looking?" is the honest one I get the most:
"I am always looking for a better opportunity" I like that one. Today a guy told me "I am not challenged enough" and by his education and current job description, he WAS underutilized. When you here the question answered enough, you learn to discern an honest answer...which usually revolves around "greed" and personal satisfactions - neither motive can I condemn....and thus they get a pass.

@Spyman....if I am interviewing you....and MY JOB IS TO INTERVIEW PEOPLE....then if I want to know how you will be an asset to someone I ASK HOW WILL YOU BE AN ASSET TO THIS COMPANY!!

This ***idiotic** notion that the moron interviewing you is so smart that they can discern truth by asking obscure questions is a fucking lie. OK...fine...you better know how to give a bullshit answer to a bullshit human resources asshole who is interviewing you for a job they know *nothing* about...

...which is why I am a Tech Recruiter....a Staffing "Consultant" if you will....because I *am* an engineer, I know the business, I know the terminology, and thus when I ask you a question, it has meaning.

Therefore, when some dickhead "interviewer" HR moron asks you a question about which kind of tree you would like to be, ask them in return which sort of tree would best suit the job....and then ask them a technical question to see if they even understand what the fuck they are interviewing you for.

The reason I like my job as a Technical recruiter is that I actually get to help people bypass the bullshit, and I actually get to connect technical people with techincal managers, therfore bypassing the fucking idiots that want to ask you idiotic trick questions and pretend they have meaning.


I *despise* HR people...They tend to be the greatest hindrance to placing a talented, skilled, devoted individual into a job in which they can succeed.

Great interview stories at The Daily WTF:
http://thedailywtf.com/Series/Tales_from_the_Interview.aspx

I believe there is a correct answer to "So why are you looking for a job." The correct answer is, "I'm not." You're not, but when your friend Pete said they were looking for someone with your exact qualifications, you thought it was worth looking at closer, and when you found out more about this awesome company, you knew you had to come in…but you're really happy where you are, and it would be hard to leave your employer…but you'd do it if the opportunity was the right one.

Make them chase you.

It's not unlike Diplomacy, really.

"I *despise* HR people...They tend to be the greatest hindrance to placing a talented, skilled, devoted individual into a job in which they can succeed. "

We agree for once, my job search has shown how rude, hypocritical, and unprofessional HR people normally are.

@Santa....I['m trying to place a Resident Design Release Engineer on site at Chrysler. Focus is Audio Amplifiers. This is a mixes bag position...tech voice of the company, plus voice of the customer back in-house. Gotta be able to talk tech talk, know the product. Have to be able to hook up test equipment and follow validation plans to verify equipment meets customer specs....but you are NOT a design engineer by any stretch.

Submitted a guy that know more about amplifiers than most should. Has "amplifier" all over his resume. Is a design guy....is a design release guy...has project management experience....

...for some for-forsaken reason this HR chick....who wouldn't know an amp from a volt....decided the candidate doesn't understand amps...and threw him out....

Two months later, she is interviewing people that have *NO* amplifier experience, because she needs to fill the position, and she threw out all the legitimate candidates.

the problem as I perceive it is HR peeps that don't want management to know that we Tech Consultants / Head Hunters are far better at our jobs than they are. When I actually get to talk to a tech manager -- the guy making a hiring decision -- and he realizes that I actually KNOW the job....it's amazing how much easier things become. i.e. HR people suck ass....

Granted, I don't have as much experience with interviews as some people here, but I was interviewing for an internship and I felt I was doing pretty well with the Engineering questions. I guess the HR person sitting there was getting bored or something because she stops the technical interview and asks: "So, what's your biggest weakness?"

I made the most horrific, guttural groan that lasted for a solid minute as I tried to come up with a BS answer. But I couldn't; my brain had just stopped. So, I look at her and said, "Coming up with answers to HR questions?"

A few of the engineers grinned, but the HR woman was not at all impressed.

the stupid question i was asked was"if you could be an animal,what animal do you want to be"
and i also hate when they ask where do i see my self in 5 years from now
and what do they care about my hobbies? is not a date
@krellin professional golfer is a great dream job
my dream job is gigollo can i say that to an interviewer?

@ Tolstoy: "I always hated the 'Where do you see yourself in __ years?'"

The only right answer to that question is, "right here, working for you!"

HR questions are pathetic, but the key is to figure out what they are wanting to hear and regurgitate exactly that.

@taos -- Dude, if you tell me gigollo is your dream job, I will work my ASS off to get you hired ANYWHERE! First and foremost because I will never ask you what your dream job is, and thus you have somehow worked this magic into the conversation!

I do not EVER ask stupid questions, trick questions, etc. What I *DO* do is this....I try to talk to you...try to have a "real" conversation with you, to see if you can get past your vast intellect and actually talk down to the little people you will have to work with!

I heard this study a long time ago...NPR or something...but the gist was this: Guys that get a 3.5 GPZ tend to do FAR, FAR better than the guys with the 4.0. In part, because they can socialize, can integrate into the company culture, etc....and thus succeed...because business...ANY business...is most often about relationships as well as skill....and the book-smart, "I buried myself in the library EVERY night" types can't talk to a girl....and sure as hell can't chit-chat casually with the boss....and thus they fail.


so....IF you have a 4.0/////might I suggest that you A. Fail your next class. B. GO TO THE BAR once in a while and live a little, C. Talk to a girl She will probably laugh at you and mock you, but it's good practice. You are too up tight....and...seriously....you need to change your name, become Wong Dong and Bong Ho just ain't gonna cut it...

"@Santa....I['m trying to place a Resident Design Release Engineer on site at Chrysler. Focus is Audio Amplifiers. This is a mixes bag position...tech voice of the company, plus voice of the customer back in-house. Gotta be able to talk tech talk, know the product. Have to be able to hook up test equipment and follow validation plans to verify equipment meets customer specs....but you are NOT a design engineer by any stretch."

I've got a job now and *to me*, it kicks the shit out of any design job (or really any other job)

@Taos...Animal...."If I could be any animal in nauture...I'd be a crap....and you would be itchy..."

@Santa...OK...you seem to be braggin about your job every now and then.....do tell! Are YOU the gigollo we are looking for? Because if you are not, then we are surely less impressed than you seem to be with yourself...

@Taso....I'd be a CRAB....not crap...

If I tell you could find out exactly where i work, and I would not want that

Oh for gods sake Santa....give us a fucking break. First of all, like we give a shit where you work exactly. YOU are the one that throws out this "nah nah nah...you know know what my job is...".....so what? You are an aide in a mental institution and you get to rape the old ladies at will becuase they can't remember your face? Shut the fuck up about your job or tell us what the hell it is. Stop pretending that we care enough about it.

So what? You've spent 2 months telling me the best job i could get is at target, I wanted to inform you that is far from the case, I can tell you I am a Historian.

Santa....you have FAR to great an opinion of yourself. FIRST of all...if I ever wasted a random post to insult you and your job aspirations, it was an off-hand comment. That it actually took hold an insulted you is truly pathetic, and speaks volumes of your low self esteem. SECOND....that you believe telling me that "historian" is your dream job, and thereby insinuate that i am supposed to envy you your dream job is....well....it is laughable, and a bit pathetic. I love my own job for my own reasons, and i assure you I do not want your job. I love history, and consider myself a student of it....but i don't want to be an historian.

Bravo for you on your dream job. You can stop pretending we care now.

And before you bash me for this post...this post was actually intended to try to help people that might need jobs, because I have jobs in this hell-forsaken Obama-conomy. I did it because it is social media and can be effective...and if i can help just one fellow WebDipper, then I will be happy.

Anyway...Congrats on being AN Historian <cough...cough....choke....> Errrrr....congrats on that.....uh.......job?.....er....

a refresher:

"@SantaClausowitz...3 years office experience (which is what? "High School graduate" is the general qualification for "Office Work", so this is not an impressive resume item.) 2 years Teaching Experience.....as a Grad Student? As a qualified, hired-in Unionized Teacher? Or is there a little hyperbole here? Master in Humanities? <Yawn...>

What sort of job, exactly, are you applying for? Again, I see the attitude here that, "I filed some paperwork while I was in school and was a graduate assisntant....I DESERVE A JOB, DAMN IT!" Uh....you deserve the job you are qualified for - Secretary. When I look through job postings on Monster.com, I don't see a lot of need for experts in Humanities with strong filing skills!

Perhaps if you had chosen a *marketable* skill to educate yourself in....you wouldn't be having these problems...I completely REJECT your notion that it is everybody ELSE'S fault i.e. the Boomers - that you don't have a job. the problem is you have no useful skills.

Go back and get your teaching certificate, dumbass."

"Santa - I wouldn't hire you for a secretary -- you have a MASTERS degree....meaning you will quit as soon as I hire you if you find work in the Humanities field.

You just don't get it, do you? You have the SKILL set that qualifies you to be a secretary, and that's about it. You have a fat-headed degree -- and air of arrogance, I imagine -- that disqualifies you.

But, you are no doubt qualified to *teach*. You are thoughtful (whether or not I agree with the things you say), and you can write well. so....get your TEACHING certificate.

Other than that...go to a temp agency and do factory work, because they expect high turn-over and will therefore take you, particularly if you are clean and sober. I worked sales for a staffing agency, and I'd put you out to work. Or start at the grill at McDonald's, or stock-room at the grocery store, and work your way up.

The job you are qualified for is *any* job you can get....which with you skill set and lofty resume is grunt work, sorry to say.

How about a Washington think tank?? lol"

but I applaud you on your willingness to help a fellow webdipper, that is admirable and if anyone is lucky enough to get an interview you have more than made up for all the shitty things you have said throughout the years.

Our High School has this one 75min session towards the end of year 11 where they basically coach you on how to answer any HR question you ever get in the future. They also taught us the tricks you need to know to get through a UMAT. (Common trap questions they have) So I can tell you all, that the correct answer to "What is your biggest weakness" is anything which you can elaborate further in order flip the tables and turn it into a strength. Job candidates aren't allowed to have weaknesses.

Here's a ridiculously tough one I got and horribly botched:

"Tell me something someone who hates you would say about you."

First answer:

No one hates me...

Not good enough, he repeats the question:

I botched it because the negative word "hates" made me think of negative answers. It is different from the classic weakness question because no enemy of yours would give a weakness that is also a strength. Later I realized the best way to answer is to answer with a STRENGTH. The dude who hates you doesn't need to hate you for a bad quality but it could be a very good quality, ex. "I just keep on coming, I never give up, and I always keep that guy on his toes." bam. Toughest question i got, and if answered right can be a home run.

1. "What would your dream job be?" Porn star.

2. But what STUPID INTERVIEW QUESTIONS have you had...and how did you answer??? Around 1988, Banana Republic was transitioning away from its original safari clothing theme in favor of the upscale clothing sold today. I got a call-back interview to be a stockroom clerk. One of the questions was something like: "BR has a no-drug use policy. Say you are on-shift and you overhear a co-worker talking about how he smoked marijuana at a party the night before. What do you do?" I really don't remember what I said, but I didn't get the job.

3. "so....IF you have a 4.0/////might I suggest that you A. Fail your next class. B. GO TO THE BAR once in a while and live a little, C. Talk to a girl She will probably laugh at you and mock you, but it's good practice. You are too up tight....and...seriously....you need to change your name, become Wong Dong and Bong Ho just ain't gonna cut it... "

Racist stereotype much?

I don't mind the stupid interview questions - what kills me is the pre-screening 'tests' some companies are using now. I can knock the interviews ouf of the park, me one on one with someone, I'll make them hear what they want (which is probably why I loved working commission sales for a few years) but HR generated personality tests that prevent you from even getting as far as being looked at by a person and not an equation are what kill me.

I actually ended up being offered a management position with a firm but before I could do the second interview I had to compile one of those tests. "If you were helping a customer and you saw a stranger walking through the building confused, would you... insert inane multiple choice options"

""So, what's your biggest weakness?"

I made the most horrific, guttural groan that lasted for a solid minute as I tried to come up with a BS answer. But I couldn't; my brain had just stopped. So, I look at her and said, "Coming up with answers to HR questions?""


Haha.. did the same thing for an internship. Try coming up with 3 weaknesses just like that :s, even if you turn them into 'points I still need to work on'. Worst thing are these bs psychology tests though. I bet no one fills them in completely truthfully and yet most HR people manage to talk about them for a good 10/15 minutes... if you work in HR and can't read a person in a 60 minutes interview you're not very good at your job.

"I hate when they ask about hobbies. It's none of their fucking business that I play poker for some fairly high stakes and that I drink and smoke cigars and play video games aamd live here when I have nothing better to do."

HAHAHAHAHAHA!!!
+1 Draugnar

'@Draugnar - 'and live here when I have nothing better to do' _ What there is something better to do? Wow that must be cool (or very hot).

I spent 2 years at a special needs school where injuries are common. One of my friends there was an aide interviewing for a teacher opening. He had literally just been attacked, and his face was bleeding all over, but they still had him do the interview. I was told the more sympathetic vice principal was handing fresh gauze to the guy as the principal interviewed him.

I think her first question was "Are you willing to risk injury while on the job?"

The first question of a Federal background check always gets me:

"Do you advocate, or have you ever advocated the violent overthrow of the government of the United States of America"

wordings probably a bit off, first time i got that I just started laughing and the guy running the interview said "right answer"

@Maniac - Of course.Poker at the casino and actually working to make a living, as opposed to sitting around twiddling my thumbs because it's the end of the year and corporate customers don't have their new budgets yet to spend on software and consultants to configure and interface it.

the stupid uestion of all must be:
"do you use drugs?" is like asking "are you stupid enougth to sabotage this interview?"

Many years ago, I applied for a job that involved going to China. On my resume is 8 years of Mandarin Chinese education, 3 years of college with a 4.0 average in Chinese languages, study abroad in Hong Kong, a job doing cultural exchange and translation in Hong Kong for two years (started as an internship and was more lucrative at the time than a degree), and accomplishments at said job. And I took the new place's test of Chinese ability and scored at master level.

"So, are you comfortable with going to another country where you won't speak the language?"

"Like...Mexico or something? I have some basic Spanish."

She blinks at me like she thinks I'm stupid.

"This job involves going to CHINA."

"Yeah, uh, that would be why I took your Chinese test."

"I don't get those results," she says angrily. "How was I to know?"

"You did look at my resume, right? The entire other skills section? The accomplishments? The education? The job history? You know what, forget it, if you can't be bothered to review a one page resume, I'm not interested."

I left. And oddly...got a job offer from them. Turned it down, though.

That's kinda sad, SD. It shouldn't be an ordeal to look at the resume.
Did you put "Diplomacy Board Game" under hobby or religion?

I consider it more of an "education."

haha SD that is a great story.