ok ok, I remember another good one, Pandarsenic,Sicarius and Diplofool are all at work eating lunch when sicarius says, Man If I have another a tuna sandwhich(do anarchists? eat tuna?) again I'm going to kill ymself, Pandarsenic said, " Man if I have another tuna sandwhich I'm going to kill myself, and Diplofool said ," man if I have another flatbread and oven roasted turkey sandwhich with tomatoes and guacamole hummus with some romain lettuce I'm going to kill myself.

The next day they all died and went to heaven (see previous joke)

At the funeral Sicarious's wife (do anachists have wives?) was crying and said, " I shouldn't of made him that tuna sandwhich. Pandarsenic's wife said, " Oh I shouldn't have made him another ham sandcwhich!"

They then turned to diplofools wife(as if he could get a wife) and she said, " don't look at me, he made his own lunch..."

Why me and Sicarius? O_o

because you have both posted quite a bit?

because we need some "respectable" members of the community to compare to diplofool who is a rather unrespected person for his lack of respect for everyone else?

because your names were the first to come to his mind?

because just because?

because he felt like it?

Here's a spinoff of Chris's joke. It's not quite as good, but the circumstances it was told in add to the flavor. As told by a 6 year old in a extremely loud voice in a quiet theatre I was in last week:
Why did the monkey fall out of the tree?

Because it was dead.

(Followed by bouts of giggling)

miners do it in the dark

A man walks into a bakery store and says:

"I want a bread."

Says the baker: "Brown or white?"

"Yes."

"What, yes?"

"Yes, mister."


(this one's actually better in dutch)

Ursa, is that a pun in Dutch?

Because if we're doing other-language puns, I have a Viet one for you. :D

Golfers do it with FORE play

I'm not sure if that's awesome or terrible.

Maybe both?

This is a Diplomacy appropriate (though perhaps not appropriate in other ways :P) joke;

"If Russia decided to attack Turkey from the rear, would Greece help?"

AAAAAAAAAARGH

Where are all those racist jokes that someone promised us a while back?

why do you want your grass to be emo?
Because it will cut itself

An american walks into a pub in england, and says i heard you lot think you can drink, well i bet you £100 that no one can down 10 pints in a row. No one says/does anything except one bloke who gets up and walks out of the pub. 10 minutes later he comes back, walks up to the american and asks if the bet is still on, the yank says it is and the englishman precedes to down 10 pints in a row. The american pays him and asks where he went for 10 minutes, the englishman replied he went to the pub next door to see if he could do it.

A blind man walks unwittingly into a Lesbian bar, sits down, orders a pint, and begins telling jokes. Nobody alerts him to his error, and an audience quickly forms, when he says. "I tell you, I have some good blonde jokes!". A young lady tells him, "since you cannot see, you should know, before you tell this joke, that the bar-maid is blonde, the woman on your left is a blonde policewoman, the woman opposite you is a blonde weight-lifter, the woman to your right is a blonde black belt in judo and both bouncers are also blonde. Are you sure that you want to tell this joke?". He thinks about it for a while, and says, "You're right. I couldn't stand explaining it six times."

An Englishman is giving a speech to a Russian audience, and, although he has learnt very good Russian, he has a mental block and forgets the words for "Ladies and Gentlemen". When he stands up to speak however, he sees the doors for the toilets, and above them written "туалеты" and "душевые". So, relieved he begins his speech: "туалеты и душевые..."

When he has finished, he asks the man on his right what he thought, and the man says. "It was very good, although in Russia we don't normally start our speeches by saying "toilets and showers".

(Apologies if my Russian is wrong)

Ghost that vfirst joke of yours has already been told

A German, A Russian and a Pole wandering around and find a magic lamp. A genie comes out of it and says he'll grant each of them one wish.

The Russian goes first, he says "My Grandfather died in World War II I want you to destroy Germany!" The Genie says "are you sure? The whole thing?" The Russian says: "Yes! Wipe it off the map!" The Genie says "ok... Germany has been destroyed."

The German goes next. See what just happened he says "I want you to destroy Russia!" The Genie sighs and says "I can see where this is going... Very well. Russia is no more."

The Pole goes last. He asks the Genie "So you've destroyed Russia, and you've destroyed Germany right?" The Genie says "Yes." The Pole smiles and then replies: "I'll have a cup of tea."

Dr. Watson and Sherlock Holmes are camping, when Holmes asks "Look at the stars, Watson. What do they tell you?"

Watson considers this for some time before replying: "Well, from a philosophical point of view it tells me we are a small and insignificant part of something much, much larger and that all human endeavour is ultimately pointless. From a religious point of view, it tells me there is no end to God's power or the beauty of his creation. From a scientific point of view, it tells me there are billions of stars out there and billions of planets orbiting them." He glances over at Holmes. "Why? What does it tell you?"

Holmes inhales, before replying: "Watson. Someone has nicked our tent."

Did anyone else hear about the recent crime wave of midget pick-pocketing? I didn't think anyone would stoop that low.

What's the best thing about fucking twenty one years olds?


There's twenty of them.

Let's try to get this thread to break 600. Keep adding!

See my post at @ 2:45 AM GMT

he

haha

haha

haha

lol glorious +27