I think you'd be hard pressed to figure out some openings worse than the Diplofool Opening, but I've tried. Lets give it a shot: (With names!)
England:
The Civil War Opening:
A Liv > Cly
F Lon > York
F Edi > York
This opening primarily addresses the civil unrest in the English mainland, and protects against it. The army in Liverpool can secure Clyde, a key center for the rebellion, but also ensures that England is able to prevent the Germans from entering the North Sea in the Fall.
France:
The Neville Chamberlain:
F Bre > MAO
A Mar > Gas
A Par > Bre
The opening has a number of variants: The Retreat variant, the Iberian Defense variant, and the Bounce variant. The primary purpose of all of them is to appease your neighbor, the Germans.
The Retreat Variant:
After retreating to Gascony and Brest, thus showing your lack of hostility towards the Germans, assuming he has not moved to Burgundy, you can move F MAO C A Bre > Por and Gas > Spa. Combined with the promise of not building any new armies or fleets, this ensures that your German buddies will be in a trusting mood the rest of the game.
The Iberian Defense Variant:
If you feel bad about conquering defenseless nations such as Spain and Portugal, you can opt to defend these countries at all cost from other imperialist countries, like any good neighbour would do. In this variant, the french player moves F MAO C A Bre > Spa and Gas > Spa. By doing so, he manages to defend Spain, without conquering it, and by extension, protects Portugal, since he controls MAO.
The Bounce Variant: Assuming the worst, that is, all three neighbors are attacking you, this variant involves moving everyone back to their home SCs, thus bouncing the Italian army out of Mars, the German army out of Paris, and the English fleet out of Brest.
Germany:
I'm not sure anything can top the Diplofool Opening. That is simply Epic.
Russia:
The Gulag Opening:
This opening involves ensuring that no POWs have escaped from Russian Gulags in Siberia. Thus A Moscow moves off the map to Siberia. Since this is likely going to anger the Germans, whom you are imprisoning, you move F St. P (SC) > Liv, War > Pru, as a defensive move. In the south, you move Sev > Armenia, asking Turkey to move to the Black and to Ankara, so that he can disband your fleet, so you can create an army to attack Germany.
Austria:
The Suicide Opening:
Tri > Adr
Vie > Boh
Bud > Gal
This opening is designed to anger as many of your neighbors as humanly possible. Unfortunately, Austria does not immediately border anyone except Italy, but we can still send one army in each direction. There is one named variant, the Artistic Variant.
The Artistic Variant:
Who doesn't like the color red? That's right, everyone LOVES the color red! Let's make the map as red as we can before everyone kills us. (And then we will make the ground red with our blood, yada yada yada) This variant involves A Boh > Sil, F Adr > Alb, A Gal > Ukr, with the express purpose of making as much red on the map as possible, since these are the territories most likely to be unoccupied.
Italy:
The Military Band Opening:
Noting that the Italian Military Bands are a lot better than the Italian armies, in this variation, we give them full control over the armies, and naturally, they want the armies march in circles all day. To do this, however we need a third army. As in most Italian openings, F Nap moves to Ion. To protect against an Austrian attack on Venice, A Rom > Venice, while A Ven > Tus. This allows the player to get his third army by capturing Tunis or moving east and asking the Turks to disband it. It also has the added bonus of allowing the armies to hold, and begin marching in a northern circle ( Rom > Vie > Tus > Rom) or move south (A Tus > Rom, A Ven > Apu) and march in a southern circle. (Apu > Rom > Nap > Apu)
The Counter Terrorism Opening:
We all know of the growing problem in the middle east. For years, Turkey has been a passing through point for radical Islamic terrorists. This must stop. In this opening, A Smy > Syr, but A > Con > Bul and F Ank > Bla. This deceptive move tricks the terrorists into entering Armenia, and Syria can support a convoy from Bulgaria into Armenia and destroy the terrorists.
Congrats if you read all that. I have way too much time on my hands (And yeah, that last one was a bit lame. Points to anyone who can come up with a better one)
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New game - Fast pace - Small buy in
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