@ChoosyBeggar - What book(s) would you, out of your clear depth of knowledge, skill, and polite erudition, suggest that the thread start reading?
@jamiet - I can confirm what Brad said above. As far as I can tell, the idiomatic use of that Hebrew word sets up relative comparisons between the "hated" and the "loved" thing, rather than only expressing unreasonable feelings of anger. I can see why the English translations would leave out that nuance, and why that would be misleading.
For what it's worth, responsible and honest study of texts like this asks that we look at the history and context. In the context of the sentences around Malachi 1:3, the word "Esau" is standing in for "the land and country where Esau lived and died and raised children." The very next verse talks about "Edom" (a country, possibly descendant from a guy named "Edom") in the same way. So what's being compared is not the individual persons, but the relative fate and fortunes of the kingdoms descendant of Jacob, Esau, and Edom. Whether you believe any of the scriptures or not, it's historical fact that the brothers Jacob and Esau themselves lived much earlier than when Malachi wrote, so we quite reasonably read the text in light of that knowledge.