I'll be married 17 years in August. I proposed on our five-year dating anniversary, after we'd been living together about a year. We went to a nice restaurant we liked. I prearranged with the server to bring the ring for the dessert course on a tray under a metal half-dome lid. I generally wasn't nervous, although right before dessert I went to the restroom to give myself a little psych-up session / pep talk (sorta like http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=7EYvQMDLZZk).

@Sandgoose: you could propose like this: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=5_v7QrIW0zY

My wife and I met in college. We lived in the same apartments; I was broke and had no car, so we went on lots of walks. I proposed at a spot where we often went on our walks, kneeling in two feet of snow.

@abge, mostly because I think marriage is an antiquated institution and that it is is being politicized so to an extent it is my a personal protest. Also my GF is a divorcee and she isn't thrilled with the idea of marriage either.

Maybe they will let me trade my marriage to some gwy couple that wants it more than me.

I wine 'em and I dine 'em, but it ends after I 69 'em. Free love.

Surprising. You'd imagine they would enjoy that

@Putin - well said!

Been married 23 years; married "young" (23 years old) so now have been married half my life. I agree with earlier comments that it is risky to marry younger that 25 because most people at that age don't know who the hell they are, let alone who their girlfriend is. Most people are changing pretty fast at that age.

The secret to staying together is no secret. It helps to be very compatible but the most important thing is to be committed to push through tough times together. I'm not pointing fingers at any of the divorcees out there - it can and does happen. I've been fortunate.

For us it started as maybe a typical sickening sweet love story of clueless young people, but over the years, raising kids, weathering financial crises, etc., you bond. Your are like a two person team facing the world. It is amazingly rewarding to have someone you can share your life with who always has your back and accepts all your imperfections. But you can't get there without taking the risk and making a commitment at some point.

I'm wondering.. nothing feels different now that were married since we live together for almost a decade before getting married. Did having children change everything or are Mr. CF and me just freaks and really getting married should of changed things?

now see here peeps...ive been with my girlfriend a few years....besides her rockin curves...i was her friend before i was anything else. thats why this year i have decided to propose...mainly for her but for me too...i dnt want a huge thing...but her family does. all that being said though....i love my girldriend and would have another person in my life...while i admit...it was hard to be committed at first. now all i want to do is to make tht girl happy...so as someone who will be getting married....i think it all seems worth it...

My wife literally threw me across the room the first time I met her. She looked stunned for a moment then said "I thought you knew how to fall". To be fair I had just tried to punch her in the face. Aikido classes are like that. Coming from a background in Taekwondo myself, I liked her. She was there to practice.



We were friends for a year, (she kept asking me "How's your wife" everytime I saw her & I kept repeating "I'm not married"). About a year of that we got snowed in together in a blizzard (in Georgia, seriously) "I always said I'd get serious about a girl when Hell froze over and ...... it seemd to"



I botched the proposal, but she said yes anyway.




My advice about marriage. Do not settle, and do not try to think your way through it. No amount of wishing is going to make the wrong person right for you. If you can talk honestly to one another without B.S. ing from the start you probably have a pretty good shot. If you're lying to save his/her feelings about something, hang it up. The best advice I got was "If you're looking to build a lifetime relationship; don't hold back. Find out right now who she is and let her know who you are."



About wedding planning. As a guy, you're coming into this whole thing at least twelve years to late to have any real input. You should pick one thing to really and sincerely have an opinion about (for my best friend it was chocolate bars at the rehearsal dinner.) That way she knows you care, then let her have her way on everything else. She's probably been thinking about it since she was twelve or so. You just started thinking about it last Thursday.



My personal note. There is never, ever, a time when it's working on auto-pilot. You're either growing with her, or away from her. There is no growing alongside her.

Hey now not all brides give the groom no say.

Im not married and very happy!

"Nor should they reproduce."

Putin33, ladies and gentlemen!!!!!

"Hey now not all brides give the groom no say."

Sorry, didn't mean to insinuate that. I was coming at it from my own naif ideas at the time. I'd have been more understanding about the process if I were to do it again.

That's a pretty awesome story, CA.

Thanks, I even left out the part about hanging off an 80' cliff (holding on to one sapling), on our honeymoon.

Background--when I was a freshman in high school, being the analytical type, I started thinking about how to choose someone to marry. I thought about and rejected marrying someone because she needed me (too noble), because I needed her (too selfish), because she attracted me physically (too shallow), etc. and finally gave up, with the intention to revisit it later. Then in high school I had some bad experiences dating--the first one was very nice but wasn't all that impressed with me, the first date was uncomfortable, and later she told me how impressed she was to go to the store with her dad and see him shoplift a whole carton of cigarettes up the back of his jacket.... The second one, I was invited to a party when I was visiting a foreign country and asked which one I wanted to go out with. Of course I picked the only one who was married, so no go. lol! Then I let it be known that I admired another young lady, who went with me on a pity date, but... well, at that age and in that decade, I didn't know what a lesbian was, but when I let it be known that I wanted to go out with her again, my friends let me know kind of indirectly. The third one was sadder--not romantic really, but a girl in my German class in high school and I would each get dropped off at the school in the evenings, meet there, and go to the drama class plays. We huddled (almost cuddled), talked, and mostly laughed. It was so much fun. But early one morning, she was stabbed by a mentally disturbed ex-Marine as she waited for the school bus, and died. After that I didn't date, just went out with groups of people, made some great friends of both genders, and put romance out of my mind....

...until I was 23 years old, when I once again started wondering how I would choose someone to marry. I re-analyzed all the ways to choose who(m) to marry, realized that I still didn't know the answer, and finally prayed and asked God about it: "God, how AM I going to decide who to marry?" At that very moment, one of the few times in my life, a thought sprang into my mind: "Do you really want to get married?" I was super surprised by that thought, because I had just assumed that I would get married some day. I thought about it for a while, realized I had some hang-ups that could get in the way of a successful marriage, decided that I wanted it anyway, and told God, "Yeah, I do want to get married, if you will work out all of my problems and all of her problems." At that moment I felt this sense of expectation, and a day or two later, an old friend of mine, for the first time ever (because as I found out later, my friend had always thought that she and I would get married), said that she had someone that she wanted me to meet, her new roommate. The night of the party I walked into my friend's living room, saw a distrustful-looking young lady in a nurse's uniform sitting behind a big coffee table, and thought (also for the first time ever), "I wonder if she's the one I'm going to marry." I decided soon after (before we ever had romantic stirrings) that she was the one, we married two years later, and we're about to celebrate our 30th anniversary. The first year was the hardest, with lots of adjustments, but with lots of prayer and the passing of time, it kept getting better, and still does. And that's my story.

"She's probably been thinking about it since she was twelve or so. You just started thinking about it last Thursday."

Best advice I've gotten on the topic. I'll be sure to remember this.

How do you know if you have met the right partner, my wife wasn't sure so she married a guy who was a great lover with a big dick, then when you hit a rocky patch as you will from time to time you've at least got something to make you feel better at night.
I pass no judgement on her logic.....

Contrary to that generalization, part of why I married my wife was specifically that she's *not* the type of woman who had been obsessing about her big wedding day since junior high. Her goals were that at the end of the wedding day: (1) we were married, (2) our guests had a good time, and (3) no guests killed each other. Beyond that, she really didn't care much how it went down. Mission accomplished! There are plenty of women out there who need just the perfect shade of lavender ribbons to go around the necks of the wild geese who will be meandering through the aisles because that's just how they have crystal-pictured it in their heads since forever, but they're not for me.

Amen, THM.
I have a feeling that we would like each other IRL. :-)
My wife and I bought her wedding dress on Ebay...
We didn't care.

It's too bad that too many girls have been brainwashed to believe that the wedding has to be "picture-perfect" and not enough about how to have a loving and caring marriage.

Doubt it, since I can't stand you online. :p

Thanks guys, this is really interesting. Draug, what say you?

@ Putin

You let her pick the ring? You absolute coward :p.

Marriage is great as long as you're both sure you want it. In fact I'd say both people wanting it and knowing what they're getting themselves into are the only real ingredients for a good marriage. Even equality in relationships doesn't really matter. Plenty have been extremely successful without it. Getting on with the other half's relatives is a bonus, but by no means essential. As long as it works for you it's fine.

If the woman picks the ring no chance of her freaking out. I know women who would freak out if the guy got the wrong ring.

My take on the ring:
If she freaks out about a stupid ring, then don't marry her.
If she freaks out about that, then she's going to freak out about a lot of other shit that you don't want to deal with.

Zultar--Or... her take on the ring: If he buys her something that important without consulting her to see what her tastes are, how well is he going to share the decision-making in other areas of the marriage?

It is a stupid ring, a mere symbolism for another symbolism. It is not a car or ahouse or where your kids go to school or how you will raise your child. That high maintenance shit has gotta go.