No, Mafia. I have no problem with both. But once you get the LTR, don't be fucking around with ONS as long as the LTR is in force. That's A) asking for trouble and B) unfair to your SO in the LTR.

Draug +1

There are almost 7 billion people on this planet. I don't subscribe to the whole "soul-mate" nonsense. I don't believe the perfect couples are a bijection.

What I'm saying is:

1) You're too young for sex so none of this matters
2) Find out if you actually like her before you hook up with her
3) If you do hook up with her, don't worry, because she's not the only one.

@Mafia

I think most people here are agreeing with you.

Also, I don't think I agree with the mentality that ONS girls are never LTR material.

I mean, *you* are also have the ONS and one would hope you consider yourself to be LTR material. I'm not sure why it wouldn't work both ways.

I think it'd be more accurate to say that if you're in a ONS, neither of you is probably ready for a LTR.

So you're worried a one night stand girl is your soulmate?
1) No offense to anyone here, there is no such thing as a soulmate. I'm sure your wife/husband is a wonderful, beautiful person, and that you're both great for each other, but you weren't ACTUALLY made for each other. That's just an expression.

2) Even if for the sake of argument, there is such a thing as a soulmate, why are you only worried that your one night stand was your soulmate? That's not the only way you could miss an opportunity. What if it's that cute girl you saw on the bus the other day? Or that girl with the nice smile who used to work at the coffee shop down the street, but now she doesn't work there anymore and you haven't seen her since she quit. You aren't going to date every person you like, and so much of whether or not it works out with the people you do will be serendipitous, will be because of her, and will just be out of your hands that the only way not to go crazy is to not worry about things like that. Pursue the things you want, but if it doesn't work out, be willing to let it go. Be active, but also, be willing to see where life takes you. Odds are, it'll all turn out for the best.

3) You're 15 for Christ's sake. Slow down. Smell some f$%king roses already. Don't be in such a hurry to grow up, make the most of what you've got now. Just to round out the perfect storm of cliches I've got going here I'll also say "you'll never be this age again". You'll have plenty of time to worry about meeting your "soulmate" or more generally finding a real, lasting relationship when you know who you are. Please, don't take this the wrong way, it isn't an insult, but you still have a lot to learn about yourself. Use this time to find out who you are, what you want, and to grow into a person who, when, in 10-15 years time (or more if you like) you do meet someone who you can make a life with, you know what to do, and you're charming and confident enough to actually build a strong relationship.

mafia +1
mafia +2
mafia +3

@mafia: 1) Yes, I'm using it as an expression. I'm really just worried that would miss a girl who I could have married.

2) Because, with a one-night stand, you had a legitimate chance to date them, since you were right there fucking them, so it's something you'd regret. With someone out on the street, you might not have the chance to talk to them and try to date them, so it's less of a missed opportunity and less regret.

1) But then, if you accept that there is more than one girl who could be the girl you marry, then don't worry about it. Someone else will come along, and you'll know better for when they do.

2) But maybe you wouldn't have a chance to date them if you're having a one night stand with them. The circumstances of meeting someone you end up in a relationship with, and meeting a one night stand are somewhat different. And I'm not guaranteeing it'll go well, but there is no hard and fast rule that says a one night thing can't become more. Just bear in mind, not everyone worth sleeping with is worth dating or ending up in a relationship. Something I had to figure out the hard way. Learn from my mistake.

"Just bear in mind, not everyone worth sleeping with is worth dating or ending up in a relationship." It's not even worth a try, just to see if you're compatible?

"The circumstances of meeting someone you end up in a relationship with, and meeting a one night stand are somewhat different."
How exactly would they be different? And keep in mind that there is a good chance I will never drink alcohol.

"But then, if you accept that there is more than one girl who could be the girl you marry, then don't worry about it. Someone else will come along, and you'll know better for when they do."
Yeah, there are many girls you can marry, but not very many that you can marry without eventually divorcing. What if you pass all those up with one night stands, and then never find anyone else like that, and end up getting divorced a bunch of times? I think ONS might possible be part of the reason the divorce rate is so high.

@CM

What you don't seem to understand is that *you* determine if it's a ONS after the fact. Before you hook up, the two of you don't sign a contract saying you'll never talk to each other again. It becomes a ONS because you're too embarrassed or simply not interested to see her again. If you have sex with her and 2 weeks later were like "damn, i really like her" THEN JUST TALK TO HER!

What if I get a burger with A1 sauce? Should the steak be a strip or a porterhouse?? (ok, I'm going overboard).

CM: Think about this. Lost my virginity at 18, married a girl after college, have 3 kids, married for 10 years and we are a month or two away from the judge finalizing the marriage settlement.
Moral of the story? TAKE YOUR TIME!!!!
Even as an adult, it is best to slowly feel things out before jumping onto something you can't take away.

whoops... a month or two away from the judge finalize the _divorce_ settlement.

Big difference there... sorry about that.

@abge: What if you never got the girls # and have no way to contact her (which I thought was almost always the case with ONS)?

It's not even worth a try, just to see if you're compatible? - If you ever have a situation like the one I did you will know what I mean. You will be sitting there, all angry and hurt and everything, and you'll think "Ah, now I know what Mafialligator was talking about." Until then I don't really know what else to say about it.

How exactly would they be different? And keep in mind that there is a good chance I will never drink alcohol. - They just are. I don't quite know how to describe it.

One night stands have nothing to do with the high divorce rate. Divorces come about because it's easier for people to get out of relationships if they want than it ever has been before. If it were easy for women to live on their own, and stuff in the past, the divorce rate would have been constant throughout history.

If you're arguing that because people have one night stands with people who they're actually compatible with, and then marry people they're less compatible with cause they already blew there chances with the really compatible people, you also have to be open to the possibility that in your fervour to avoid missing the person you are most compatible with, you'll marry someone who you're less compatible with and miss out on something better that will come along later. Stop worrying about it. Follow your gut and do what seems right at the time, and then learn from your mistakes. It's the only real way to navigate this.

What if you never got the girls # and have no way to contact her (which I thought was almost always the case with ONS)? - In the age of social networking this should not be a concern.

"If you're arguing that because people have one night stands with people who they're actually compatible with, and then marry people they're less compatible with cause they already blew there chances with the really compatible people, you also have to be open to the possibility that in your fervour to avoid missing the person you are most compatible with, you'll marry someone who you're less compatible with and miss out on something better that will come along later." Good point

"Stop worrying about it" For me that kind of hard to do because I think I might have General Anxiety Disorder. I need to get that diagnosed so I can get medication or something.

" Follow your gut and do what seems right at the time, and then learn from your mistakes. It's the only real way to navigate this." I guess that is how you have to navigate life. It seems sad that things have to be that complicated though. Sometimes I feel like life is just a crazy dream concocted by a madman designed to infuriate me. It's weird.

@Mafia: She might not have a Facebook or the like. Not everyone does. Though that does make the # of times you can't contact the girl go down.

"What if you never got the girls # and have no way to contact her (which I thought was almost always the case with ONS)"

Well, fuck me, CM. What if she's really a Russian Spy, or a Space Alien? If you don't know anything about her 1) you shouldn't put your penis in her and 2) you clearly wouldn't have known her anyway, so nothing lost.

@abge:????????? Again, as I said, I thought that with pretty much every one night stand, the most you know about the other person is their name, pretty much. That isn't true, then?

CM there is no such thing as a soulmate if that is defined as:

The one single person ever to exist who is perfect for you as a mate.

There are people you are good with, and one's you aren't. Try to find the best you can. You can only ever do your best.

Also, you seem to be harping on the following idea:

"Why don't you just give it a chance with the girl you are one night standing with? Why throw away the possibility before even trying?"

Here is why. I know you are inexperienced and all so I will lay this out for you, about how one night stands and all that actually go:

90% of these hook ups occur from contact made at a party. A large portion of these parties contain alcohol.

One or more of you will likely, then, be drunk, because having a one night stand is something you need to lower your inhibitions to be able to do.

So we will say that you and she are buzzed and you think each other are hot and you haven't had any in a while, either of you, and you hit it off, kind of, and you start dancing or something, and then you're drunk so you do one of those "why the hell not just go for it" kind of moves and make out with her.

So now you're both horny and you get led or lead her away and then you figure out where the two of you can go to make things more interesting, then you go there, then you either do or don't seal the deal, but if you do, then voila you have had a one night stand.

What happens now? There you are laying there in the laxity that is post-coitus. There she is hopefully in the same (else you have failed as a partner lol). Then you look over at her, and by now you are less drunk, and this thought comes to you:

"Shit.. who the fuck is this girl?"

But now your inhibitions are back up, she's not as hot as you thought, and you feel a little awkward and gross. You want to get the fuck out so you make something up, or if she's asleep you just kind of leave. Maybe you say I had a good time, or something, and then you're gone. You may or may not have ever asked her name.

So here's why you don't "give it a chance."

Because you can't. It isn't socially acceptable to turn to her in that moment and say: "Hey what is your name and phone number and would you like this to be a real relationship?" No. I mean, it's possible maybe if you have her contact info but it is not likely you or she will have any desire to do anything but never talk about what you did again.

Sure you might see them at a party again, and hook up again, and still never talk to them about it during the day if you see them...

The fact of the matter is that there is no assumption of compatibility in a relationship at all. That is a much more difficult and complicated set of criteria to meet than is sexual compatibility. For that you just need working organs, some experience, and a bit of stamina.

I could draw a venn diagram of it for you but the bottom line is, it's unlikely and also socially unacceptable.

See what I mean?

@Thucy: I understand all that. But I still don't understand why you would not try later (as in a few days) to maybe get a relationship going, unless A) you know the person well enough to know you don't want to date them, or B) You were so drunk that once you were sober you realized that you aren't at all physically attracted to them.

I'm telling you it is basically always A, B, or C) you have no way of contacting them even if you wanted to, or D) even if you can, trust me, you won't want to.

Just trust me on that. Speaking from experience.

Lol.

@CM - When you start the night's activities you may not know her number, but if you like her then in the morning, you ask her. As it was pointed out, it doesn't become a one night stand until one of you decides it is. You ask for her number and she either A) blows you off, B) gives you a fake number, or C) gives you the real deal. Then, if she gives you some number and you decide to call, you find out if it was B) or C). It isn't difficult.

Oh, and in the age of AIDS, random sex with people you don't know at all has gone out the window. It's too f*cking risky...

@Draug: "but if you like her then in the morning, you ask her. As it was pointed out, it doesn't become a one night stand until one of you decides it is" That makes sense to me, but Thucy doesn't seem to think that way.

@Thucy: "or D) even if you can, trust me, you won't want to." What possible reason could you have to not want to if A, B, and C aren't true?

"That makes sense to me, but Thucy doesn't seem to think that way."

Well, don't have a one night stand with Thucy then. : )

lol, I'll try not to ;)

CM it's just something that happens after you hook up with someone at a party, just a way you feel.

Would you really want to start up a relationship with someone whose name you learned after screwing them? No. You feel weird about it when everything is clear and lucid. So you try not to interact with her and then tell your friends about it later.

I'm not saying YOU can't ask her out or whatever. You can.

I'm just predicting you won't want to, and saying that this is why it doesn't actually happen.

In short I'm answering your OP question dude. Lol.

Also, yes people do still have sex with people they don't know. Some people... like the risk, or dumb, or don't care.

Lol. Probably not a good idea all the same but I'm just saying that scene definitely still exists. Even among otherwise smart people like yours truly.

You go to any "nightlife" district of an American college town at my age and you don't have to look very long before meeting someone that will take you back to their dorm room or apartment.

Not saying I do it anymore or that you should I'm just saying you shouldnt deny its existence.

I also want to point out that I don't actually thing 15 is too young to start, that was my age.

As long as you know enough about reality to know how to not screw up your life, you're ok. I don't give CM my seal of approval yet but you seem on the whole reasonable so idk why not its your life after all no one else's.

Just try not to create a new life accidentally. lmao

@Thucy: "Would you really want to start up a relationship with someone whose name you learned after screwing them?" Why would I screw someone when I don't know their name? Even abge seems to think that's a bad idea (he said: "If you don't know anything about her 1) you shouldn't put your penis in her"). Oh, and note that I don't ever want to get drunk in my life. At all.