What's brown and rhymes with Snoop?

...

...

...

Dr. Dre.

This one is the best: :D

The katana asked the wakizashi, "Isn't that blade you're carrying heavy?"
The wakizashi replied, "He's not heavy, He's my kozuka."

Those who live by the sword get shot by those who don't.

The Three Swordsmen

Once the Shogun gave a reception to honor the best swordsmen in Japan. All the top samurai were in attendance along with Court nobles and beautiful geisha. A geisha approached the third highest ranked swordsmen and asked; "Sir, can you demonstrate your sword skills for me?" At once, the samurai drew his sword a cut a hovering fly in half. "Very impressive", said the geisha. When she saw the samurai who was the second highest ranked swordsmen in Japan she asked him the same question. He immediately drew his sword and cut two pesky flys in half. "Most impressive", said the geisha. Then she spotted the samurai that was the highest ranked swordsmen in all of Japan. "Honorable Sir", she said "would you be so kind as to demonstrate your sword skill for me?". The samurai drew his sword and cut into the air in the direction of a nearby fly, but the fly buzzed away. "Oh, so sorry you missed", said the geisha. "But I didn't miss", said the samurai humbly "that fly will have no offspring."

Two guys are outside a bar with their dogs when the first guy says, "Let's go in and have a drink".

The second guy says, "You know they won't let us in with our dogs."

The first guy says, "Just do what I do and we'll get in".

The first guy puts on sunglasses and starts into the bar. The bouncer sees him and yells out "Hey buddy, no pets allowed in this bar!".

The first guy replies, "Sir, I am blind and this is my seeing eye dog."

The bouncer, feeling really bad, says "Oh, I'm really sorry. Go on in and have a seat."

The second guy puts on sunglasses and goes into the bar. The bouncer sees him and shouts out, "No dogs allowed in here."

The second guy replies, "I'm blind and this is my seeing eye dog."

The bouncer says, "Give me a break! Your dog is a Chihuahua!" to which second guy repies, "What! You mean they gave me a Chihuahua!?"

Sorry that wasn't a sword joke.

Mine wasn't either.

They're still laughing about this at IBM. Apparently the computer giant decided to have some parts manufactured in Japan as a trial project. In the specifications, they set out that they will accept three defective parts per 10,000 .

When the delivery came in there was an accompanying letter. "We, Japanese people, had a hard time understanding North American business practices. But the three defective parts per 10,000 have been separately manufactured and have been included in the consignment. Hope this pleases you."

Its fine. I don't know how many sword jokes are actually out there. :P

Japanese Sword Auction Terminology "True" Meanings
"slight stains on blade" = (the blade is more rust than steel)
"light rust spots" = (the blade is rusted beyond recognition)
"rare" = (it's the only one I have at the moment)
"scabbard slightly dented" = (it looks like a train ran over it)
"some minor pitting" = (you can see light thru the rust holes)
"blade has small nicks in edge" = (you could use it as a saw)
"good sword for martial arts" = (no collector would buy it)
"blade could use a light polish" = (it will only cost $2000 to restore this jewel)
"missing tsuba" = (sold the tsuba for big bucks, but the blade is junk)
"it's a mumei gendaito blade" = (got some ocean front property in Utah if you want it too)
"sword needs some restoration" = (it will cost $5000 and two years work to save this dog)
"sword just came out of the woodwork" = (it's been in the back of my closet for years)
"handle wrap somewhat frayed" = (the handle looks like it went through a shredder)
"selling this sword with no reserve" = (I'll take anything to get rid of this loser)
"blade is unsigned" = (the maker was too embarassed to sign it)
"blade has minor flaws" = (the steel is peeling off in chunks)
"a good study sword" = (blade is damaged beyond repair)
"blade is slightly bent" = (it looks like a cork screw)

I don't quite understand this one but...

"How many Mongols does it take to sharpen a sword? Three: one to sharpen the sword, and one to confuse the issue."

That's over my head.

That... I... huh?

I'm assuming it is supposed to confuse you.

And way to betray that you just googled these friendly.

I thought it was obvious? :P


What is it called when a Business-sword hires a thug-sword to extort money from rival-swords?

A s'w'ordid affair!

(can you tell that I did not google this one?)

I hope these should not be all related to swords? :)
Here's an old one - some fun facts:

If you fart non-stop for 7 years you'll generate the energy of a tactical nuclear weapon (do Al-Queda know this?)

Pigs experince orgasm for 30 minutes (I want to be a pig in my next life!)

A cockroach can live 9 days after losing its head, before starving to death (Creepy! Still like the pig better.)

The male Praying Mantis can only have sex if its head is taken off. So, the female first rips the male's head off (Honey, I'm home ... WTF???)

A flee can jump 350 times its own lenght. For humans it will be like jumping over a stadium. (30 minutes ... lucky pig ... who needs to jump so much)

The Seacat has over 27000 taste receptors. (What is there to taste at the bottom of the sea?)

Lions can have sex up to 50 times a day (Hmm, still sticking with the pig. Quality over quantity)

Elephants are the only land animals that cannot jump (Maybe it's for the better this way?)

Cat urine glows when exposed to black light (Who paid for this research?)

The eye of an ostridge is bigger than his brain (I know people who are like that.)

Starfish (sea stars) have no brain at all (I know people like that also)

People and dolphins are the only species who have sex for fun (What happened with pig???)

"The male Praying Mantis can only have sex if its head is taken off. So, the female first rips the male's head off"

I wonder, can the mantis have sexual intercourse multiple times after the head-ripping? Or is it a one-time deal?

Either way, what a raw deal :P

Nope - it's once in a lifetime experience :)
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Sexual_cannibalism

Talk about having a good reason to join a monastery...

Ah a different NON animosity driven thread!

Poor pig. 30 minute orgasms and it won't even seek them out.

There are 10 kinds of people: those who count in binary numbers and those who don't.

This one is a riddle:
What movie has a sword as the main weapon, but it's a suckish movie?

Narnia

Talk about having a good reason to join a monastery...

lol

There are two sausages in a frying pan. The 1st one looks at the other and screams "We're going to die". To which the 2nd sausage replies....


...."Oh my god!!! A talking sausage!"

Wotan, nice binary joke

How many psychologist's does it take to change a Light Bulb?
Only one but the Light Bulb has to want to change.

In Narnia, the people run at their enemies and are like "arrrrrrggggghhhhhhh", then swing their sword. Before you see if they killed their enemy, it goes to the next scene.

I love that one Danger, although the version I've heard is:
Two fish in a tank.
One says to the other, "how do you drive this thing".
The other replies, "Aargh, a talking fish"