webdiplomacy.net

I am currently working on a play about 3 characters in the back of a wagon traveling to a slave auction to escape war between Assyria and the Hittites. Each charactet differs in age, a slave husband and his wife who is afflicted with a disease rendering her paralyzed. The other main character is an injured soldier from Canaan who dislocated his shoulder fighting Assyrian troops.

Ill share a snippet for perusal. If anyone has historical info on battles or specifuc events id love that.

Jaromir: You are a soldier, and a Hittite. There are many Gods. Which God did this to my beloved wife?

Hatta: What do you plan to do about it even if I had an answer? Will you climb the heavenly staircase and yell at the Gods?

Jaromir: Do not talk to me like I am some foolish beggar.

Hatta: Then stop acting like a foolish brat. There is one God. And it is yourself.

Jaromir: How incredibly horrible it would be if we were all Gods, doomed to wander Anatolia killing each other for land.

Hatta: For love, For glory.

Jaromir: For nothing. Your views are foolish.

(The wagon resumes movement again)

Hatta: Oh good, they did not kill our driver!

Jaromir: Where are we now?

Hatta: A few days from Zela.

Jaromir: what will happen to you?

Hatta: I will probably starve to death.

Jaromir: Your arm is injured. You can work with one arm you fool.

Hatta: Gods be good-

Jaromir: Ahhh there it is.
(He smiles)

Hatta: Yes, if Gods be good I will find work. Of course. But most of my skills in life require both arms. I can't forge metal or wield a blade like this.

Jaromir: You are smarter than these tasks. You could be an attorney, or a tax collector.

Hatta: I had dreams at 20 to own land, fight in Canaan, and have slaves. I never considered being a tax collector. Merciful hells, all of Anatolia would hate my miserable ass. I thought once I had been as far as the sunlight shone. A man named Suhani took me deep into the desert to find a runaway.

Certainly worth continuing, strive for a moral

Jaromir: You are a soldier, and a Hittite. There are many Gods. Which God did this to my beloved wife?

Hatta: What's the problem? There are plenty of fish in the sea. I’ve been married 16 times.

Jaromir: 16, my arse! Do not talk to me like I am some foolish beggar.

Hatta: It's true! Four richer, four poorer, four better, four worse.

Jaromir: Enough of your insen....

Hatta: Quiet, man! I think the villain is still around!

Jaromir: I see no sign of him

Audience: He's behind you!

Hatta & Jaromir: Oh no he isn't!

Audience: Oh yes he is!

You're welcome

The antagonist is Awisien, a Hittite commander who makes everything harder for the 3 characters. I like the idea of damaged heroes who cant fight their way out of the situation. I love the tight locale of the back of a wagon for an entire show. Theres crawling and occasional stage exits. Hatta never exits the stage though.

In which time you set the story? Hittites and Assyrians were around for centuries. After 1200 BC (approximately) Canaan fell to the people of Israel coming out of Egypt, earlier was a constant point of argument between the great powers of the region.
I would recommend using the general term East instead of Anatolia which is a more recent term.
You are doing a good work developing the characters, continue it.

Has anyone seen the film Twelve Angry Men? It uses this “one room” show very effectively. It is carefully outlined that the day the film takes place on is the hottest day of the year, and these 12 are stuck together. A couple of other examples are Rope and Lifeboat, who also use the same room, or small location for the whole film.

I like your ideas so far, with the paralysed wife as a way of exploring Jaromir’s longing for revenge. Keep at it!

Are you using Scrivener?

eturnage wrote: ↑

Sun Jun 10, 2018 10:43 am

Are you using Scrivener?

they would prefer not to.

For play and scenario writing I use Celtx.

Looks very good!

I noticed just one thing that didn't sound right: when Hatta says "would hate my miserable ass". That sounds a bit too much like modern american slang to my ears.

I dunno of you're still working on this Brainbomb but I've got access to an academic career's worth of information on the Bronze Age near East in my house. It's not my personal area of specialty but I'm happy to do a bit of research on your behalf if you need it.