M~M falls head first into unforgiving hard floor

[MajorMitchell]

I'm being cautious with the investment strategy via the stable hand & Digby. Horse racing has been interrupted by the CV19 shutdowns.so my plan is to go modest in.june, it's July and August when I have the best chance..if we get decent rains across Southern half of Australia.. I need heavy tracks.. then I can concentrate on 1600.metre races where the weight handicap is based on previous form.. so not weight for age. I look for what I call 3×3×,3s & variations like the prime 2×,3×5 popsies at odds above 8 to 1.
One metric is distance from winner at post last race, cannot be greater than 3 lengths and the less the better, eg finished within a half length of winner.
One metric is the odds it ran at in that last race.. the least important of the three metrics in going above 3.
And it's last race has to be recent.. within last three/four weeks.
The third metric is...???
Well I can't make it too easy for readers.
Have some "punts" on what it is.

[MajorMitchell]

Boudoir playtime is for consenting adults and private unless they choose to make it public. I've endured facetious remarks about the subject on the home front.
I'm disinclined to reveal in the Forum with more Decorum intimate details of Lovely Princess Estelle's lingerie kit for example, other than extensive & damned expensive.
Salacious tales can be found in the Persian masterpiece 1,001 nights or from the literature of Italy.. The Decameron, not in what I submit here.

[MajorMitchell]

One of my bits of fiction conjured up today in my Study is titled " The Gallipoli Golf Course" skit. I gave it an impromptu reading to the painters when I was let out for afternoon tea.
"It's alwight Sargent, their fweindly twoops, Austwalians fwom.the Antipodes, see how they sawute by waving away fwies....
..later.. I'm.awfuwwy sowwy your twench is in.the way of the sixth tee, would you possibwy mind moving your twench.50 paces east?

[PRINCE WILLIAM]

I do apologise, Major, sir. I didn't mean to be insulting.
I ask for your pardon and I bid you a fond farewell.

[Octavious]

The decorum of the forum, if you love 'em or abhor 'em, has led to greater boredom when browsing through the site. But domestics you are sore from and your skit of golfing foursome, allows us to withdraw from the Coronavirus shite.

[Octavious]

With regards to the skit, why does Wupert have trouble with Ls as well? May be overdoing it a tad. Oh, I don't know if sargent is spelt differently in Australia or it's part of the voice, but in the British army serjeant has two e's and an a.

Looking forward to the full skit

[PRINCE WILLIAM]

Is n't it sergeant?
I had this rank back in my army years.

[Octavious]

British army light infantry favours the j. We're old fashioned like that. Other regiments have moved to the new fangled g spelling. They are, of course, wrong

[PRINCE WILLIAM]

Is that so or you are messing with me?

[Octavious]

That the other regiments are wrong? I guess if I'm perfectly honest that's a matter of opinion. But the bit about spelling it with a j is true.

[PRINCE WILLIAM]

Well, there is always something new to learn.

[MajorMitchell]

You're right Octavious and I knew the blooming auto script correcting s/w had serjeant wrong but I was a swacker & didn't cowwect it.
I will use a mix of correct spelling and ad lib phonetic spelling to guide pronunciation.
The scene is the Gallipoli peninsula, Turkish defenders have contained the invasion by Commonwealth forces & the conflict has been going for four months.

Wootenant Christopher Wobin~Wawing (Christopher Robin~Waring) is a nearly seventeen year old British Army Officer. His family have served English monarchs for more than 1,200 years & are Aristocrats. Young Christopher had an unorthodox education as he explains..

"Mummy expwained to me when I was wittle that common Awistocrats go to Eton, Hawwow or Winchester, but Wobin~Wawings have private tutors and go diwect to Sanhuwst. So on.my thirteenth biwthday Mummy took me to Sanhuwst and gave the Serjeants Mess a hundwed Guineas to take cawe of me and make me into a pwoper Bwitish Awmy Officer. Mummy gave the Adjutant a Hundwed Guineas and spent an houwew playing Whist with the Commanding Officer.
When Mummy weft she kissed me on the fowehead and towd me she would be back fow my sixteenth birthday and vewy own Gwaduation Pawade.
Due to the Gweat Waw, My winning the Sandhuwst Old Testament Scwipture & Map Weading Pwize thwee years wunning, Daddy being a Genewal and Mummy pwaying Whist with wots of vewy impowtant people I Gwaduated a Wootenant Cowonel and pwovided my voice bweaks, when I'm seventeen I shouwd be bumped to Cowonel.

At Sanhuwst I sewected Pwivate Twemble to be my Officer's Attendant because although he is a scawwywag he is a cwack shot with a Wee Enfield Wifle. I had Daddy make Twemble a pwoper Wance Corpowal and send us both to Gawwipowi.
Wance Corpowal Twemble is a pwoper Cocker~nee scawwywag and I awways send him out first to get a good position so when I go skipping thwough a minefield and the wascawwy enemy are tempted to have a few shots at me Wance Corpowal Twemble can knock them over with his Wee Enfield Wifle.
Wance Corpowal Twemble is ever so keen to pway sniper with Johnny Turk (*) he's awways asking me to skip along the pawapet of the twench or wark(lark) about in no man's land & we have so much fun pwaying Cowageous Bwitish Awmy Officer Wobin~Wawing and Cunning Wance Corpowal Cocker~nee Twemble with Johnny Turk (*)....

That'll be riddled with errors.
I've put an asterisk next to "Johnny Turk'.. there'll be at least 3 meetings to discuss using that. It's historically accurate and was not an insult, but often used as a sign of respect by Anzac troops & other Commonwealth forces towards the Turkish defenders.

[MajorMitchell]

I shouldn't have to put this up, but guess I'd better so there's clarity. My material is often mediocre and of variable integrity.
I make a point of respecting the intellectual property rights of artists. I don't make, accept as gifts "free copies" of movies and music. Please don't plagiarise my mediocre scribbles/ideas

[MajorMitchell]

Readers are entitled to receive an apology from myself for my pretentious comment.sbout my intellectual property rights & I make it an unreserved apology. The Forum with more Decorum is a public record of publication and in that way protects our intellectual property rights for all members. Hoorah.
I'm doing the very good and compliant behaviour tactics with my Beautiful Fire Breathing Mem Sahib Her Wonderful Serene Imperiousness Indoors and Lovely Princess Estelle. I'll have to endure all pretty humiliations with sycophantic obeisances for several weeks & slowly make small incremental steps towards freedom.
It's currently winter in the Antipodes and we have had days & nights of wonderful live giving rain from enormous black and grey clouds filling the skies, pressing down to smother hills in misty embrace.
Interspersed with clear skies, sunny days with cold lighter winds and bitterly cold nights, ice & frost everywhere except along the coastal fringes.where the sea's reservoirs of thermal energy moderate the chilling temperatures.
So a rash early attempt is the act of a fool, daffy as I may be, I'm waiting for Spring.
A new relative tranquility prevails at Flyblown Farm. The gardeners & stable hands are much happier after the weekends horse racing. Tempted sorely, I declined their offer to slip a flask of Laphroaig through my study window with genuine sorrow.
HBSII has delicately tuned nostrils that are capable of detecting a whiff of whisky through stone walls or at considerable distances.
HBSII has engaged an architect for the redevelopment project that started as a redecoration caper.
HBSII has her own private wealth & with the local economy struggling this open-handed spending is to be encouraged.
Lovely Princess Estelle is to be indulged with what I describe as a minor resort village.
The staff are cognisant of anticipated trickle down benefits. For example, HBSII has decided that the swimming pool will be their swimming pool after the new aquatic infrastructure is completed.
They are also gleefully watching the eager architect in his efforts to satisfy HBSII and have a book running on his dismissal date. I avoid contact with the poor blighter, confessing to readers that I don't want to start having any emotional feelings towards this certain victim.

The precious time I do get to interact with the builders has to be used effectively.
The Irish~Australian painters and the Italian~Australian stone masons​brick & concrete chaps are the prime potential unwitting allies. They will still be here for Christmas, this architect chappy won't make it to spring. I've put $50 from my new credit with the stable hands into the staff book and chosen first week of August at 7 to one.

[MajorMitchell]

When I describe the trades persons as I have, it is to celebrate the rich, diverse emigrant heritage these people have bought to Australia. The painters dialect is different to the stone masons dialect, both have common expressions, but they express.themselves in subtlely different ways.
Their banter is joyous to listen to and has it's nuances. The two gangs will play slightly differently in conversations​ with their own group but unite to defend a slight "from the other gang at one of their gang".
There's also the minor practical jokes they engage in.

[MajorMitchell]

I might have done for my bet on.the architect chap. As a reward for my sycophantic obeisances I was allowed to participate in a "movies at home" night and after we watched "Those Magnificent Men in their Flying Machines" an old favourite movie much liked by & chosen by HBSII, I put on My Fair Lady with Audrey Hepburn and Rex Harrison.
I like to sing along to some of the songs and at the end of the movie we re~enacted the Ascot Races scene with much hilarity from Lovely Princess Estelle.. then I casually compared the three of us to Eliza, Professor Higgins & Colonel Pickering and let LPE reach the conclusion that she is Eliza and that HBSII is playing in some ways the Professor Higgins role, not me, I am Colonel Pickering.
Lovely Princess Estelle.had a lot more independence and freedom when she resided in the City.

[Octavious]

Up, down, flying around,
looping the loop and defying the ground.
They're all frightfully keen,
those magnificent men in their flying machines.

I'll have that in my head all day now :)

[MajorMitchell]

.. Robert Morley playing the British newspaper magnate.. "the problem with these international affairs is that they attract foreigners"

[MajorMitchell]

My two favourite actors in Magnificent Men in their Flying Machines are Terry Thomas and Eric Sykes. I rate Eric Sykes as a genuine comic great, really talented.

[MajorMitchell]

A glorious raining weekend across South Australia & Victoria has the garden staff & stable hands in optimistic mood, they slipped me another copy of the Sportsman racing paper yesterday and retrieved it this morning with my selections & annotations.
The architect has been dismissed and there will be no extravaganza of building works at Flyblown Farm. A much more modest renovation with only four new rooms & new bathroom, a for Lovely Princess Estelle to be added to the residence ruled by my Most Beautiful Fire Breathing Mem Sahib, Her Adorable Serene Imperiousness Indoors.
So our painting and stone masons/brick & concrete chaps are happily employed and I am allowed to chat with them.
I'm still on the good behaviour & sycophantic obeisances tactic and enduring humiliating garments. The incontinence nappy, pyjamas, wooly cardigans & dressing gowns​, knitted items of ghastly shades & distorted shapes.
I go to my study, remain there and emerge on command. I'm not allowed to go and play in the garage. I eat the new dietary regime of foodstuffs I am given without complaint.
Sustained by the comfort of heavy rain, so heavy tracks, so my 3by3by3 formula & it's variations are much favoured by weather this weekend.