Ah, England. We have much to offer, and I shall go over but a few things now.
Embrace our fine culture by watching a tennis tournament. Cheer on British hero Andy Murray, until he loses, at which point you can abuse the Scottish failure. Further sporting entertainment could be provided by watching a football game - Reading are rather crap, but there are plenty Premier League London clubs to choose from nearby. If you enjoy teams with no players, no hope, and seats so expensive they don't have any fans either - go to Arsenal! If you enjoy casual racism, foreign oligarchs, and ridiculous in-fighting, go to Chelsea! If you enjoy abject failure on all levels, go to Crystal Palace!
And of course, there's also Cricket, for if you want to fall asleep to some good old fashioned colonialism.
Now, moving further afield, I offer you our night life. Enjoy statistics? You could be one of the 20% of young people in the South to contract Chlamydia! Enjoy alcohol? Why not pass out drunk on the streets of South London? Feeling a little peckish? Head out for a Cheeky Nando's With The Lads! Want something more personal? Enjoy a night at Club Revenge in Brighton.
Now, onto our history. We were once quite powerful, you know. Oh, those were the days. Ahhhh yes. First up, see if the lessons of history have been learnt, by getting some popcorn and watching the Brexit talks with the EU. Fantastic entertainment! Now, you're here from September - December, so there's a 50% chance you might get to see how a civilised country does a general election, too. What a treat! Visit our historic castles - whether it be the Tower of London for something medieval, Hampden Court Palace for something Early Modern, or Hastings, for something utterly shite. And whilst embracing your youth in modern Britain, join the hordes of Corbynistas as our socialists march into government! Or, if that's not your thing, adopt the new cult sensation and MP for 1875, Jacob Rees-Mogg, as your hero of choice.
Whilst looking at Europe, don't pass up on the opportunity to experience Brit culture abroad. Head down to Ibiza for a night of group oral sex in a nightclub! Or slide over to Malia and piss on a statue. And before you go home, make sure to have a conversation about the weather, and a traditional debate over how to pronounce "scone". Truly then you can consider yourself British. Would you like a cup of tea?