"Here we have a collection of some very intelligent and politically savvy individuals"

I don't know what website you think you're looking at, but this is webdiplomacy.

After a quick look at your kickstarter page, I think you would benefit from this advice:

https://www.reddit.com/r/IAmA/comments/3kj5ko/i_am_the_ceo_of_an_indie_game_development_company/cuxyaxw

Basically, you want to put your most important information first. The details about the team should be after the screenshots, which should be after the description of what the app actually does, etc. Don't make your readers work to figure out that information on their own.

agree with ATC -- put right at the top in 1 or two sentences what exactly people get out of the APP.

also, if anyone is interested in this sort of thing.... this is a great site for tracking political, corporate, and wealth power structures in the world -- http://littlesis.org/
careful it can be a bit of a rabbit hole

Alright guys, thanks for the feedback. I'm not at a computer now where I can make those changes, but I'll definitely consider doing so when I get the chance.

@A_Tin_Can Well it's a website I can typically count on to have snarky comments like that one so that says something. +1

Alright guys, made the changes. Let me know what you think.

That's a great link ATC. I favorited that for myself.

A bit of advice for direct selling: Sell the dream. I know it sounds corny and old, but it works.

Think about what the dream scenario is for your product and write down all the benefits it would provide. Then, and just as importantly, write down how all those things will make an individual's life better as it specifically relates to the subject. Lastly, paint a picture of the better overall world that your product will create for that person. Those are the things you want to focus on in your pitch. Always connect what your product does to how it benefits the person your selling to, both immediately and long term.

Stay positive, too. Your first two paragraphs are full of negative words and ideas. No one needs to be reminded of the bs part of politics. How you phrase things also matters. As an example of what I mean by that, instead of saying something like "we aren't bound by the threat...", say "we have the opportunity to freely and openly...". Positive thoughts.

The goal of sales is not to make someone want something, it's to make them think they NEED it.

Sorry if I was a little harsh on you last time.

By two paragraphs I mean in the ones in this thread.

Trip, the reason I'm not a salesman is twofold here. 1) I'm a very factual person, to prioritize the tone of something over factuality goes against my nature. 2) To a large extent, I shouldn't have to be a salesman here. It should be clear to any honest citizen of the United States that our nation is going to pot, and largely because of poor voter decisions and ignorance. An app like the one I've created will take strides to address and fix this problem. It shouldn't need to be sold, because to anyone that cares, it should obvious we do need an unbiased, and intellectually stimulating political medium such as the one I've created.

My dream? My dream is that people would care.
A few nights ago our school had a talent show. The most popular act of the night was when an African American kid got on stage and rapped an original explicative-containing song sitled "Gotta go out with a bang". The song contained multiple N-words as well as a blatently sexual theme. The administration responded by doing nothing, further advancing a culture of pre-martital promiscuity, ignorance, objectification of women, and violence. Evil prospers when people do nothing to address it.

My dream is that people would care. My dream is that people would take initiative to educate themselves about politics before it's too late to fix the problems facing us. I believe this app will help them do that, which is why I'm trying my hardest to promote and develop it into a useable tool.

But right now it's incredibly difficult to get anyone to care. I'm on one of the most politically oriented forums I've been a part of, and still no one has backed the project. I've followed your suggestions, continue to put forth a strong effort to be diplomatic, yet all I get is more talk from people. What ever happened to being men of action?

I apologize, to end with such a question is unfair to many of you who have been helpful. I'm just frustrated, and it came out in a way different than I would have liked.

Not trying to be an ass, but many people use this site because its free, which is why it may be difficult to draw funding here.

Personally, I would have a hard time donating without knowing if a single politician would be willing to take part what your app provides.

Please don't take that the wrong way. I appreciate that you have such an entrepreneurial spirit at your age. At this point though I can only offer words of encouragement.

As a salesman for your app, your job is not just to persuade people to be in favor of a better-informed public. Like motherhood and apple pie, everyone's theoretically in favor of a better-informed public, but that doesn't mean they'll back everyone who claims to be working towards that goal. Your job is to convince them that your app will make a concrete difference in that arena, and that their funding will make a concrete difference to your success. If this were investing, you'd also be convincing them that their funding will result in them making money off your success; in this case, you'll instead be convincing people that your backer swag is worth contributing for.

And let me just say, you might want to find a different example of how evil prospers when good men do nothing, because your high school classmate writing original music (profanity/sexual themes aside) is a terrible example, and also irrelevant to your product. Staying on message is super important. So is dealing with your frustration in a way that doesn't result in aggression towards the people you're asking for money/time/help. Entrepreneurship is hard, and it's also frustrating, and you have to learn to weather those pressures if you want to pursue that sort of career (or most careers, really).

"So, I am excited about your project and hope that you will keep me in the loop on this. I would be very interested in helping in any way that I can."

^ Excerpt from correspondence with my state senator.

That's all I have time for right now between classes, but it goes to show that the support will be there if the people support it. I'll add an FAQ to the kickstarter page later addressing this concern.

@Lethoologica
Are you capable of looking beyond words and seeing to the heart of the matter?

Please don't invest yourself in an argument about my capabilities. I can hardly imagine a more colossal waste of your time.

Here are some words:
-What is the status of your app?
-Do you have a completed alpha, beta, or release version of your app?
-Does your team have the programming experience to create one of the above?
-Do you have any users?
-Can I download your app from an app store somewhere?
-Do you know who your competitors are?
-Do you know why your app is better than your competitors' products?
-Do you have a particular region, politician, or issue you want to focus on initially?
-Have you acquired any notable partners, advisors, sponsors, or early adopters?

As you see, my opinion about 'the heart of the matter' may differ somewhat from yours. To me, the heart of the matter is *not* whether the American electorate needs to care, or needs to become more informed, to fix American politics. Rather, it's whether you have done, are doing, or *can* do the things you need to do to make your product successful. Convince people of that, and you'll get their money. Otherwise, you won't.

A few more words:
-What is your plan to attract users?
-What is your plan to retain users?
-How do you plan to vet the information on your platform?
-How do you plan to vet the people on your platform?
-How do you plan to keep user information secure?
-What's your most urgent hiring need, if you have one?
-What's your most urgent product development need? (You have one.)

@Lethologica
I'm not interested interested in an argument about your capabilities, but if you wanted to prove them to me, you could have clicked on the provided link and answered every of your posed questions except the following:

-Do you know who your competitors are?
Vote4US, Countable, ICounter, Facebook, Twitter, to name a few.

-Do you know why your app is better than your competitors' products?

All current competitors fall into at least one of these three categories:

1) Significantly partisan and biased, consisting of 3rd-party media sources,
2)Cluttered with the baggage of social media;
3) Lacking in the depth, scope, and connectivity of features our app provides

-Have you acquired any notable partners, advisors, sponsors, or early adopters

Andrew Figgins
(http://m.builtinchicago.org/member/andrew-figgins)

-How do you plan to vet the information on your platform?

Politicians will be the only ones who can post in large sections of the app, (news/updates, praise/criticism, personal info, views & decisions). To ensure a non-partasin environment, nothing will be censored except for blatent, contextually unnecessary obscenities. However, politicians will have to put their name on everything they post. Constituent comments will have designated spots for input, and will remain similarly uncensored. Feel free to ask me any further questions on this topic and/or the one below after looking at the screenshots; I would be happy to develop their explanations to the level you deem adequate.

-How do you plan to vet the people on your platform?

Most information will be able to be viewed without an account, but dynamic features requiring personal interaction will be limited to users who have created an account containing basic personal info.

Slyguy, this isn't about me proving my capabilities to you. If anything, it's about you proving your capabilities to the people you want to fund you. At the pre-product stage, funding pretty much depends on selling your team as being able to get the job done.

What involvement does Mr. Figgins have with your project?

I agree @Lethologica. He's an advisor & supporter.