Squires,

My survivalism instructress, a comely young lass from a good family, has requested that I perform a background check on a potential suitor.

"A background check?" said I, "Isn't that a bit invasive?"

"Well in this specific case, Albert, this fellow is interested in more than just my hand. He is interested, for example, in providing assistance to me in the administration of one of my farms," she replied.

"Aha! Then a bit of information about his background, his general character is therefore of greater than academic interest," I said to the heiress, realizing that no stranger should be allowed unfettered access to her considerable fortune.

"Then you'll do it, Al?" she inquired, hope lighting up her eyes.

How could I say no? "Of course. I'm your man."

I bravely weathered the obligatory embrace and proffered peck upon the cheek, fully insisting that anyone at all would of course wish to help a friend but all the while wondering where to begin.

How would I learn anything about this fellow? While the internets are of course a vast and wondrous place brimming with information, very little of it secret from your Uncle Al, none of the particular information would do me a wit of good were it recorded in the indecipherable tongue of the Dutch.

No language is less accessible to reasonable and decent men than this one. I began to fear that my efforts might be doomed to failure even at their outset.

It occurred to me after a moment that I might have success by pressing my contacts over at the German Embassy before learning that they were all out of the office. Snow day. Just when I needed them most, the Krauts were out building snowmen.

But wait! Did I not have friends? Could I not count on my dear and stalwart compatriots over at Web Diplomacy, amongst whose number there were several and sundry enterprising and resourceful Dutch?

All perhaps was not lost!