Most definitely, be sure to do it in front of your actual girlfriend.

Let's say there's this girl that you like. But you like her in the more mature kind of way, where you're not even all that interested in the physical part, but you just see yourself with that person. Let's say she is a very serious single who doesn't want to toy around, OR, for example, she has a boyfriend, but you have the impression he should have asked her ages ago and he's not serious, and between you and him, you simply think you're the better man (for whatever reason that may be).

Also in front of the boyfriend.

The thing I'm asking, and I'd be interested also in the ladies' opinion on the forum, is whether you can just propose a "deal" to a woman. You do it gently, and as subtly as possible, but the message you want to pass is that you find this person so cool, you imagine him/her having your kids, and that you'd be happy to work hard for that relationship for the rest of your life. You make it perfectly clear during this conversation that you'd be happy to take no for an answer, but that you want to be honest about that.

How is this not a viable option? (I'm asking because I don't no anybody who does that these days, where I think it used to be quite common only fifty years ago, or maybe longer than that but still)

I should really not have some drinks and top off with webdip in the future. Note to self.

The girl is going to have to tell the story "how did you get engaged" to all her girlfriends, her parents, her co-workers, etc. Do you think she's going to want to tell the "let's make a deal" story? Or, more to the point, would you want to put your future wife in the position where she needs to tell people who her fiance is and why (a) they've never heard of you and (b) why you aren't her boyfriend?

"don't no anybody who does that these days"

This quote allows me to make two points:
First, the mere fact that nobody does this anymore means that it is not socially acceptable and will come off as weird.

Second, the fact that you, a normally very well written person, confused "know" and "no," tells me that you're more than a little bit drunk and probably a little bit descisionally impaired.

That said, do it, do it now.

ghug before I return to other people's comments I'm going to click +1 for every one of your posts. You're simply delicious (and yes, all this was written with you in mind, but you know that).

Would you like to be silenced for a few hours redhouse? =P

In all seriousness though, I would not do anything until you are significantly more sober.

FOR THE RECORD
This situation is a hypothetical. And it's not even a whink-whink hypothetical, it's actually hypothetical. Retroactively hypothetical. A situation where I *could* have done this (I'm really sorry to be so abstract but I just like to keep myself a little anonymous, which allows me to speak a little more freely than usual) happened a few weeks ago. But it wasn't the situation where I could have asked this person out. (She was just someone I respect too much to fool around at which, by the way, I'm very good. I'm gonna close with a parenthesis now and stop talking again.)

DeltaAjaxNiner (brilliant webdip name by the way, you should explain sometime. a) certainly wouldn't the case. I'm not talking about a perfect stranger, but somebody you know and actually get along pretty well with.

tfw when you ask wepdip weirdos about heavy stuff instead of enjoying the party around you

@Redhouse - most dating involves a lot of posturing and putting on a front to impress someone you're not even sure you like that much, and thus most dating does very little of value to prepare a couple for marriage. So I have no problem whatsoever with your hypothetical situation, in fact it's probably a much healthier approach than what is common in western dating culture. I don't know if I would start off with a direct proposal, but if my wife died and I was dating again I would approach any potential relationship in a very similar way. That's partly because I have kids to raise, but I wouldn't be interested in fooling around in casual dating and I'd be clear up front about that.

I'm guessing DeltaAjaxNiner's name is Dan.

I work with a lot of Indians (dot, not feather) and they still have marriages aranged by their families. This seems way better than that. Even if its not traditional in love ask on Valentines Day kinda thing. But then again, those end in divorce a lot. I don't see anything wrong with it.

I'd say that if you're asking for advice about the girl on an internet forum, you should probably not make any long term plans for this one. But a temporary alliance with an eye toward backstabbing later on for the win would be okay.

What a stupid idea.

Just know that you'd never be able to dislodge her pants without support.

well people will at least think you have massive balls. or will think you are a loser and a weirdo if she rejects you. i have been accused of both so you can be a champion like me. but if she is not as interested in you, she might be telling her friends can you believe that guy proposed and then her friends will be discussing how weird you are. and if you think she may reject you you need to give her some way of escaping the situation without feeling awkward... and i really cant think how thats possible. that said, i have suffered from massive balls my entire life so i could see myself doing it.

if the situation you are describing is the way you're trying to describe it, then a few weeks should not change things (unless she got a job in another country, or had a surprise eloping...)

in fact if you're going to break social convention (and it is not unacceptable to do, depending on how liberal a person they are) then why not invite her/them into an open marriage, especially if you're not interested in the sex as you hypotheically claim - might aswell both get some bits on the side... i don't mean to get this confused with sexual promiscuity, i mean open in terms of emotional/sexual relationship(s) with others who are not directly involved in the marriage contract ('make a deal' indeed! it is basically a property arrangment which protects rights of both parties) - i mean the normal socially acceptable situation is to have emotional relationships with your (future) kids and to get involved in non-sexual relationships with her friends, there is no reason you can't also develop a non-sexual relationship with her current boyfriend (unless you're bisexual and he is too)

Depends on the girl and the relationship and a million other factors. Yes you can ask, but if you want a yes then that's a different story. How well do you know the girl?

How romantic. I dreamed of that proposal every night when I was a child.

Not sure I have read every post in the thread...seems he sees remarkable woman for which he has incredible admiration, whom he sees as a possible perfect mate and companion...only apparently there is no romantic love?

sounds like marriage...in which romantic love is something that comes and goes. That's why married people need to still "date" and do special things *on purpose* for one another...otherwise they become room mates that occasionally have sex (as opposed to make love) and whom are hopefully good mated and companions, etc....

In other words, for as bland as what he suggests sounds, what he is describing, I think, is the proposal of a great relationship that is probably better than most.

Erotic feelings...those can be created...or destroyed...

A good husband, though, that does as he *should* for his wife - i.e. sacrifices of himself for her, gives willingly of his time, who does things without being asked, who does things she wants to do even if he doesn't want to....THAT husband is a guy that gets all the romantic love he wants becuase he demonstrates the love *shes* wants -- the loves that comes of self (self-sacrifice).

ashleygirl - while mocking his "proposal" (a very understandable response) - what you most likely dreamed of as a child is Princess fairy tales spun by Disney, where you live the life of a girl-in-need (every feminsist's nightmare) and must be saved by your perfect prince who is dashing, funny, successful and will give you everything you want with perfect air and a twinkle in his eye. You are asked for your hand in marriage by a man that never farts and never fails and always agrees with you...

redhouse actually offers a vision of reality for a woman -- I'll always work hard to make it better, he says -- instead of a fantasy of sweeping you off your feet with romance and chocolates; a moment of proposal that ends up being the *high* point of the relationship ("Ahhh...I remember when he asked me to mary him....what a day" you sigh, fondly remembering that moment when it all seemed so good...), instead of the low point from which you forever grow.

The Disney thing is way off but a man that never farts...yeah, I'd marry him

ha hah ha The Disney Prince is much more likely to enter your life than the many that never farts!

But seriously...ok, drop the "Disney" reference - are yo utelling me that your dream from the time you were a little girls doesn't revolve around a man coming in to your life to sweep you off your feet and take you away to a perfect life of happiness? A vision of a man without flaws who is perfect *from day one* who then takes you in to a life of ease and constant smiles?

As opposed to redhouse - who says - hey, I don't offer perfection, but I'd devote my world to you, and I promise that I will always work to make it better.

Reality - perfection "from the moment our eyes met"...perfection from marriage through the end -- is a myth. The day after marriage is usually when reality sets in...bills, illness, bad moods, yes farts, your car breaking down, the hot water heater leaking, etc etc...all the reality that invades out perfect vision of marriage that tend to be the things that wear down and destroy marriages...not to mention nobody looks perfect to begin with, and rarely do those looks improve after she starts putting back on the weight she lost to fit in to the dress, and his little beer pouch at 23 becomes a full on bowling ball, and then a barrel...and...

...and all the perfection promised at the time of proposal is an empty unobtainable promise for so many...

,,,and what redhouse says is, "Hey, there is nothing perfect, least of all me, but i promise to alwasy try to make it better..." it's actually a hell of a romantic idea -- the promise to always work harder for you, as opposed to saying, "I'm perfect now, take me and be happy you have me," which is incredibly arrogant.

btw...I'm bored. and no, my marriage is not the horrible picture I painted above - but I've seen it in far too many failed marriages around me...most of which, when the perfection faded in to reality, couldn't handle the intrusion of the real problems of life and opted for the bail-out.

"I'm a little drunk, but hear me out."

Where have we heard this before...

"My Grande Armee, have I got a plan for you!"
"Hail, Napoleon, hail!"
"We're going to all go and invade the Russian wastes--IN ZE WINTER!"
"...Um..."
"I'm a leetle drunk, but here me out."

:p

...OK...so, erm, so Napoleon used the wrong "hear" there, but get off his back--

He's drunk! (And anyway, he's French, and who wants to be on a Frenchman's back?)

I wouldn't be making any plans until you've exchanged bodily fluids, then see how you both feel. Maybe she deserves more than guy who is a crap lay and she might like to try before she buys ......

@redhouse - are you just making a big deal about asking a woman out as part of your plan to convince me your not a girl?

I think anyone on here should make their potential partners/ husbands / wife's etc sign up to webdiplomacy for 6 months and hen we can decide by binding vote if the two of you are compatable.

I dare say there are plenty of women of a certain age (and a fair few of other ages) who would find such a proposal refreshing. I see no reason why it shouldn't be attempted.

Thanks for all the comments guys, and thanks for the PMs. They were very interesting :-)

Oh? Did you get any proposals? :p

Not any that relate to this thread, no.