Yeah it did make him seem ignorant to me also with him yelling at his tv being 23 assuming he could do better than all of them lol.

also continuously checking out his assistant. i mean all guys do that sort of thing but the fact that you highlighted it made it clear he was a bit into himself if you know what i mean

bump

@Thucy - that was the type of personality I was trying to generate. He's got 'growing' to do too while in Milan.

also you dont have to post much more, i understand keeping it close to your chest but im interested to read how you deal with interactions between jason and non-english speakers, do you have them both speak english but just make it understood the italians are in fact speaking italian, or what?

i had this problem with a play i wrote - it was about the first contact between homo sapiens and neanderthals, and i ended up putting all the lines in english and just had them act as if they didnt understand each other. it was kind of awkward though

When the story is in the point of view of Italians, then they speak English with it being understood that it is in fact Italian. When the point of view is Jason, then Italian is spoken in italian. It's OKAY that the reader doesn't know the language because neither does Jason so as he learns, so does the reader. Without realizing it, the reader actually learns a few phrases by the end of the book.

Like "fickt mein Arsch"? Oh wait. That's German... ;-)

@Draugnar - are you willing to join in our collaborative writing project? We've held a space for you.

I'm no writer. Just an avid reader. But I'll check it out.

Well, I hope you enjoy our story as we put it together.

bump again

@Onar - are you SURE you don't want to join us in the collaborative writing? Last chance to you and to all the writers as we are solidifying our story's train of thought as we speak.

I'm sure. I'm really bad with those things.

bump for my google doc - i have a new chapter

the new link - 4 chapters

https://docs.google.com/document/d/1s7GJ4TDZJSEpO-Izw3co3K6TZLqRlfRdJNybjXA5bZU/edit?hl=en_US

Awesome, I'll get to reading on it as soon as I can.

thump

Bump...maybe?
Anyways, I'd like to present to you all what I have so far in HISTORY IN ACCORDANCE TO ATOM FOLTZ...
Keep in mind that I jotted this down while waiting for a job interview, so I haven't really had time to edit it whatsoever. Regardless, I hope you all enjoy my rantings...

Birth

Our world was forged by an uncontrollable force. Whatever it is you believe this force was, science, supreme beings, or an almighty deity, is to be determined by your own heart. The Great Fires that sparked and flared and destroyed had become molten rock. The Perfect Sphere had left our world, but had left behind a piece of its might. The galaxy cooled and the Great Fires calmed. Lava became ash and rock with mighty bursts of flames. Only two beings of sentience were able to survive in this chaos, Zeltius and Kleon. Many beings attempted to take form, but they perished in the soot of the land and the fires of the earth. The divines now took shape, but they could not survive in that dimension. Zeltius grew in rage; all of his constructs fell at the wrath of the Great Fires. Kleon learned his patience while standing at the great gap, the only thing that separated him from Zeltius. He longed to meet him, to establish peace, to wage war. He churned within himself and boiled within the great depths of the world. A final flash and it was dispersed. The Great Fires calmed. The solid land formed. The first seed sprouted. All is now quiet.

Safety forced Kleon to tread lightly on the gentle crust. His ambitious attitude, however, overcame his delicacy and he spurred forwards. Anguish for his creations gave him pity. Sorrow for his creations gave him bloodlust. One way or another, he would get his vengeance for their deaths. Only Zeltius stood now, he would have to be the one to pay. Kleon dismissed his anger and sought to think of ways to be joyous and merry with Zeltius, but his inner fighting caused him to stop, not knowing whether to thrust forward and risk war, or to come in peace. He destroyed himself with his controversy and took now to two forms. Kleon ran as fast as he could and fell through the soft ground, causing a ferocious earthquake. His peace-loving self stayed behind and pondered his next move. Zeltius came marching by with all of his splendor, caught sight of Kleon struggling to stand, and ran to get a spear. Kleon now stood in the fierce fires that he had condemned himself to burn in while fighting to stay alive. Zeltius leaped at him, killing him before he was able to say a word. Zeltius climbed out of the pit and lied down to rest (for he thought that Kleon was indeed dead). Peace-loving Kleon walked by and saw himself dead in the fiery pit that Zeltius had slain him in and wept. He looked to his side and noticed Zeltius sleeping. Desiring peace, he decided to make an offering unto Zeltius. He took up the fallen bodies of his failed creations and laid them before him. Zeltius awoke and saw the offering that Kleon had made for him and bowed.

“What humble creature I must be compared to you, for I had killed you, but now you stand before me and wish to make amends. I salute you and accept your sacrifice oh mighty one, perfect of titans.” He shouted, with a slight hint of trickery, which Kleon did not detect but answered in all truthfulness.

“As you said, I do wish to make amends, however that form which you had slew was formerly a part of me, but a being which I now know no desire for. You are however, my equal, and I am humbled to be among one with such acceptance and with valor in battle. These are not sacrifices, but merely my attempts at creation which died in the Great Fires that plagued this earth. I now lay them before you as a way of saying that I give up the past and look forward to a future of long lasting peace.”

“If you are indeed an equal of mine, then why do you wish for peace, for there is no possible way to achieve such tasks? You are foolish to have thought that you could have forged life in the Great Fires which you speak of as if they are of evil. No, these fires are as pure as you and I, simply lacking the wits that the Perfect Sphere left us before its departure. You must not understand much if you think that you can outwit me or defeat me, whatever your intentions are. If I destroyed a former part of you, then I can very well best you in any conflict. You are likely the weakest of the mortals to come about by now and now you shall face my wrath!” Zeltius said hotly. A bitter rage welled in his heart and he searched for his spear, but Kleon, seeing not how he could avoid conflict, tackled Zeltius and began beating him with the stones he found around him. Zeltius was able to shake him off however, and began to run for his weapon. Kleon then took up a large rock and launched at Zeltius with the intention of wounding him. Zeltius was unable to avoid the flying stone and was crushed beneath its weight. His life seeped out of his wounds and cried out to the divines.

The divines heard his cry and, seeing that the earth was safe to tread on now, came to his aid. They looked first at Kleon. Not knowing what to do with him, they reformed him in his two separate beings, one of war, and one of peace. They took away his life and made him into forms of energy. Thus his evilness became the great darkness and his glory became the great light. Now they looked to Zeltius. They gave him back his life, but seeing that he loved the fires, but wanted to conquer and destroy all that he could, banished him to the core of the world where the Great Fires stood the strongest. Lastly, they looked to Kleon’s offerings. The dead bodies of his failed creations lay now strewn across the land. They took each of them up and gave them Kleon’s life. Each and every one of them became sentient, and they remained sentient. They saw the greatest of these creations and granted them the highest level of intelligence. These they named Kleites. Then the divines placed seven titans over the earth to rule and to protect. And finally the divines left, only with the promise to return every millennium, to ensure that justice prevailed.


***DISCLAIMER: The views presented in this book are merely fictional, they do not in any way represent the views expressed by the writer.

BUmp

BuMp

The Ili-Add-On

By obiwanobiwan

(WARNING! This is a piece of satire! Those taking this or any other sentence seriously or looking for any sort of message or ideas will be shot!)

*TO BE TOLD IN INSTALLMENTS*

Chapter I: How All This Shit Got Started

O, sing in me muse, of those heroes of...fuck this, anyway:

Once upon a time--yeah, that's original, I know, but fuck it, jsut go with it--there were these two kingdoms.

Well...if truth be told, there were MORE than two, really, but we don't care about the rest of these places, and who needs geographical or political knowledge here, anyway...or facts, or sense, for that matter.

No one?

Good.

So.

There were these two kingdoms, Greece and Troy.

Now, these kingdoms, apparently, going by just the pictoral evidence, despite being located in the Southeast of Europe and near Asia Minor, did NOT, in fact, house a load of brownish and tanned people, but, as the paintings all clearly show, tons of white, white, never-seen-the-sun, I-live-in-Greenland white people.

Again--we're not much for geography here.

SO.

Tons of white folks where here ,and that's OK...that's GOOD, really, actually, very fortunate, because if they WEREN'T white people, then I wouldn't be telling you there story, because, as we all know, if you're not white and a male, your story and opinion counts for shit in this world.

Another world, another place...MAYBE someone will care about those bitch Bronte Sisters or Langston "Oh Oh woe is me, My people jsut got horrible brutalized for hundreds of years and are STILL being brutalized and no one ever listens, WHY?" Hughes, but sorry.

WE know better.
WE all know that everything in the world is completely black-and-white.

And this is WHITE thank GOD--and Jesus and the Holy Ghost, of course, and the Pontiuf, and the Bishops, and anyone else that might possibly maybe hold some sort of metaphysical power over me and punish me if I don't thank them for being gracious and peaceful--so we can go ahead and relay the story.

SO.

There the were, Greece and Troy.
Two kingdoms.
There were more, as stated, but fuck them...
And everyone, we know, because paintings are 1-00% accurate, was white...
So thank God and Jesus and Heaven Inc. for that...

And things were hunky-dory.

Which was ODD.

I mean, usually, at the beginning of the story, you expect some tension, you know...you expect some little boy in tights to walk out onto a stage in a theatre and say:

"In fair Verona, where we lay our scene,
Where civil unrest makes civil hands unclean."

But NOPE.

Things were AWESOME!

No starvation!
Of course not...this happened in Ancient imes, after all, and as we all know, there was ALWAYS so much food floating around in those days, everyone was a buffed-up hero.

It was like they were all on steroids, they look so muscular, all of them...nary a starved corpse among them.

Nope.

And marriage was PERFECt then, because, as we ALL KNOW, marriage is ONLY supposed to be meant for men and women, and so there was plenty of good, wholesome marriage, with men marrying women and beating them senseless into the ground while the women had no rights and could not turn to any body of law because, as we all know, men are naturally superior to women because...

Well, Eve ate the Fruit, Pandora opened the Box...

Take your pick, really, the point is, women had absolutely no rights and were treated like the less-than-human creatures Aristotle said they were, and as we all know, Aristotle is and always was 100% right about everything, including that the Earth is neatly orbited by the Sun and is a perfect sphere and nothing moves in the rest of the Uuniverse and the Earth is, in fact the CENTER of the entire Universe.

And if you don't think so you're an idiot, just like those Bitch Bronte Sisters and Galileo.

SO.

Life was AWESOME back then!

But then...THE WOMEN, as usual, fucked things up!

ROYALLY!

And I mean big, folks, they fucked things over BIG TIME, and what was if for?

A Golden Apple.

Serious.

I'm serious here.

A Golden-Fucking Apple!

WHY?

God only knows!

Er, sorry.

ZUES ponly knows!

I mean, at least EVE had a fair reason, it was an edible fruit, HER apple was, and that totally-not-suspicious-at-all Talking Snake made one hell of a pitch!

"Take this and you'll feel AWESOME, Eve...I mean, you'll be flying high, it'll all, be, like...DIFFERENT! That's why God keeps this to himself, you know, he HATES the idea of someone stealing from his stash!"

So at least Eve had a fair reason.

She was still an awful bitch that deserved to be formed out of a Man's rib and be subject to the laws of man forever and have all her descendents for two thousand years be considered inferior to men because she happened to eat a fruit God told her not to eat after all of two days of life...mean, at two days, *I* didn't go eating any mysterious fruits, *I* had self-control.

But try getting self-control out of a WOMAN.

Yeah.

So.

Eve had a reason.

But what was the reason for wanting this GOLDEN, non-edible Apple?

Because the other girl goddesses wanted it.

Isn't that like women...ALWAYS being so petty...it's a good thing MEN aren't like that AT ALL!

So, three bitch-baby goddesses wanted this Golden, Who-The-Fuck-Cares Apple.

And what were their names?

Well, there names were Hera (sort of like She-ra, but less prone to hilarious gay jokes decades after publication), Athena (who was so fucking conceited she had a city named after her...I think it's called Dallas) and Aphrodite (with that last "e" being pronounced "ee" because whoever the hell translated this story didn't seem to grasp that MOST OF THE TIME an e at the end is SILENT and makes the previous vowel give it's long-vowel sound, instead of reading phoenetically, so yeah, thanks, translator, you single-handedly confused thousands of kids as they were forced to read this story in school.

Probably a WOMAN.
A BLACK WOMAN.
A BLACK JEWISH WOMAN, really...no other person could fuck up so badly!)

So.

Hera, Athena, and Aphrodite.

They wanted this Golden Apple.

Because the others wanted it.

And they're goddess, remember?

Of what, you ask?

Well, NOTHING!

They're WOMEN, people...do you honestly think they could ever HANDLE a positon of power? I mean, especially with what's about to go down--spoiler alert: Bad Shit is about to go down--women, clearly, CANNOT handle positions of power.

I hear there's a female president of France.

I'd like to remind everyone:

That's FRANCE.

Think about that...FRANCE.

Don I need to say more?

Of course not--because the only thing worse than a Black Jewish Woman is a Black Jewish Woman living in France!

So.

These three were goddess, even though they CLEARLY should not have been, and they had their little powers, because they'd make for pretty boring goddesses without special powers.

So Hera was the Queen of the Gods, which really didn't amount to much, since Zues, perfect-model-for-mankind that he was, pocked just about any opening that presented itself to him with his Lightning Bolt--now THAT is how you finish, folks!--and so Hera was constantly walking around in a bitchy mood because her husband was having about seven affairs at once with her, Mt. Olympus--the big cloudy mansion where all these gods and goddesses lived--was CROWDED with the bastard sons and daughtersof Zues, and there was nothing Hera could really do about it, as Divorce Court and Judge Judy had yet to air.

PLUS, once of those illegitimate offspring was standing right next to her and ALSO wanted the Apple, and this was Athena.

Now, Athena was SAID to be the Godess of Wisdom, but really, once you see what happenes when she tries and obtains this totally-illogical Apple, you'll begin to doubt that.

Aphrodite was Contestant #3 in this mess, and she was married--and, like most women married for longer than the length of the honeymoon, tried her very hardest to forget that fact as often and as much as possible.

But in Aphrodite's defense, she WAS married to an ugly, ugly, ug-LEE fucker, and not one with a cool job, either--

Her husband's name was Hephaestus, and this bloke's job was to be the Cosmic Blacksmith and pound out Zues' lightning bolts.

(Not like THAT...get your head out of the gutter, you 6-year olds, you don't see ME makeing such cheap jokes, do you, now?)

Now, Aphrodite was the Godess of Beauty and Lust--NOT LOVE. This is a common misconception, to call her "The Godess of Love," and it happens WAY to often in the schools--usually it's those damned Women Teachers, naturally--and it's irratating because people all KNOW who the GOD of Love is, the Little Diapered Baby Eros, better known to most as Cupid.

EVERYONE knows Cupid, knows he's the Big Diaper-Daddy in charge of Love...

So how is it folsk keep fouling up and calling Aphrodite the Godess of Love?

Dunno.

Go look it up, I'm trying to tell a story here.

So, there they were.

Hera--Bitch Queen of all Creation...with serious marital issues.
Athena--Godess of Wisdom, proving those who call themselves "wise" rarely are.
And Aphrodite--Desperate Housewife Circa 400 B.C.

And each wanted this Golden Apple, to PROVE...somehow...that they were the "fairest in all the land."

So yeah--it comes down to a "Ms. Mount Olympus" Contest, the source of all this bad, bloody shit to come.

So, all three interrupt Zues while he's working--typical--and ask him to CHOOSE who's the best looking of the three.

Now, say what you will about Zues:

When it came to women, the guy was a PRO.

He KNEW this was a lose-lose-lose scenario:

Hera was his wife, so he can't choose against HER...Athena's his DAUGHTER, so that's no good, can't choose against her...and as for Aphrodite, well, suffice it to say Aphrodite, due to having such a butt-ugly husband, was NOT ever closed for business, and as has been established, Zues was a frequent paruser of such good and services as she midght endow...and she had a reputation for being QUITE endowed.

So.

Zues REALLY can't make a decision here, it'd be Fem-ageddon all over his ass.

So, like any smart guy when faced with the question "How do I look? by women, he passed the buck.

"Well, ladies," the Zues said, "I REALLY can't choose, ya know, you're ALL just too damn beautiful! But...but there's this guy! yes, there's this guy...over...over there! right there! with the sheep! See him? HE'S a fair judge, fairest in the land, his name is...Paris, right, and HE will resolve your claim!"

And so off they went to pester poor Paris.

Now, for a guy named after what would become the French Capital someday, understandably, Paris was ready to surrender himself over to these women on hearing he was to jduge them...

Until he was told that would NOT be how he was to decide this thing, and that he should be ashamed for even thinking that.

Now, ONCE AGAIN, the women couldn't leave well enough alone.

EACH had to bribe this Paris guy.

But rather than something SMART, like, "Gimme that apple or I blow off your head!" each tried to offer a gift.

Hera offered to make him king of Asia and Greece.
Paris got ready to offer the Apple up, BUT...
Athena THE offered to give him enough wisdom to conquer all the world
And Paris got ready to give HER the Apple, but THEN...
Aphrodite offered to give him one woman, "the most beautiful in the world."

And Paris, who was NOT much of a critical thinker, due to his having spent a good long while herding sheep about--even tough he was a Prince, but then, maybe this was a precurssor to Polo, Herding-Sheep-With-A-Horse--immediately thought with his dick and gave the Apple to Aphrodite, who promptly laughed like a 16-year old bitch while Hera, Queen of the Gods, and Athena, Ms. Wisdom, promptly threw a full-on fit for not having gotten their way over an Apple.

But who was this woman?

Why...HELEN OF SPARTA!

And Paris was a TROJAN!
And she was SPARTAN!

And so she was whisked away--because she, being a woman, rightly had no say in the matter of where she lived or who had the key to her lock, so to speak--and became HELEN OF TROY!

Because women just never keep their last names.

Now, when the Spartan King woke upo the next morning, and found his daughter was gone, he promptly shouted:

"THIS! IS! SPAAAAAAARTAAAAAAAAA!!!!!!!!"

To which his servant was heard to reply,

"Yeah, we...we kind of all KNOW, we do LIVE here, you know."
"Oh, right, right..."
"So, what's up?"
"My daughter's been kidnapped! ASSEMBLE EVERY GREEK ARMY IN THE STATES! WE'RE ALL GOING TO WAR!"
"Over your daughter?"
"Yes!"
"Just that?"
"Well, yeah, she's my DAUGHTER, even if she IS a woman, you know, I've gotta go save her...doesn't look very becoming when anyone can just steal your daughter away, so we're going to WAR!"
"Couldn't we jsut ASK for her back, maybe? Or, you know, I hear Hera and Athena, for some reason, are now VERY pissed at these Trojans, so why don't we just ask one of them to bring her back and let them do the killing for us?"
"Nope--my plan's much better."
"Why?"
"...Because I'm KING!"
"But--"
"THIS! IS! SPAAAAARTAAAAAAAAA!"
"Alright, alright..."

TO BE (mercilessly) CONTINUED!

Way to ruin the Iliad. Do not continue this, instead give me some way of recognizing your reason to post this. Now I have to start another thread because I just got an awesome idea and awesome ideas are what get me off...nevermind. If anyone can guess what actually gets me off I will permanently put your name on the "Good-Guesser List."

I said it was a satire, of just how silly a lot of plot points and Greek Mythology is in "The Iliad," and ancient conceptions (ie, the fact most of our paintings of battle sin the story feature white people, but if it ever DID happen, they wouldn have been brown/very-tan-skinned, and how badly women were treated in ancient times, and we all just shrug it off...and so on.)

I LOVE THE ILIAD.

Before I read Shakespeare, The Iliad/Odyssey and "Sir Gawain and the Green Knight" where my favorite pieces of literature ever--and they're still Top 10.

I'm just lovingly taking a jab at it because, come on, there ARE silly elements...and in the context of the story, and when it was written, they're AWESOME...

But come on:

The idea of starting a whole war over one Apple, three goddesses in a beuaty pageant, a guy who picks one woman over the chance to be All-Knowing or a king of so much land (icnluding GREECE, if he'd just picke dhera, he'd take over Greece and have Helen anyway!) and so on...

It's SILLY!
It's FUNNY!

So I'm jsut poking fun at it, lovingly...like "Spaceballs" or "Galaxy Quest," only not as good, as I'm not Mel Brooks.

(But then, who is?) ;)

lol obi i support you fuckfilled iliad.

i didnt read it all but it made me laugh.

especially the first but with the muse "oh fuck this" lol

self promotion:

https://docs.google.com/document/d/1s7GJ4TDZJSEpO-Izw3co3K6TZLqRlfRdJNybjXA5bZU/edit?hl=en_US

too close to end of page, thread is