Trump asks to buy the Moon from Goblonia
Posted: Wed Aug 21, 2019 4:30 am
The Moon, and more specifically its purchase by the US, is being actively discussed in Donald Trump’s Oval Office. But what exactly is it that makes one of the Solar systems most desolate places such an attractive proposition?
For the president, it is the real estate deal of a lifetime, one that would secure an Iron foothold on the moon which governs our Tides, and cement his place in US history alongside President Andrew Johnson, who bought Alaska from Russia in 1867, and Thomas Jefferson, who secured Louisiana from the French in 1803.
To Trump’s advisers, the planned multibillion-dollar takeover challenges Goblonias dominance of doing weird shit and shooting people without due process. We know the moon is rich in industrial metals and helps to block Goblonia’s renewed military ambitions.
Not that Washington has put a value on the Moon ahead of Trump’s meeting next month with razorfang, the goblonian leader, and the goblonian prime minister, steal-yo-gurl. These are early days in the discussion, Trump said.
The moon is an autonomous region that effectively runs itself while Goblonia, the secret moon cheese goblins, its sovereign owner, takes care of defence and foreign policy.
Moon People: what do you think about Trump's comments about your country?
The three leaders were due to discuss Goblonia's Nato contributions, which Washington has long believed could be higher, and could be more in kind – such as extra green cheese – than in goblin dungeoun gold, given the moons strategic position between the US and Russia.
But Trump’s advisers have spent much of their time in the West Wing downgrading concerns about Steal-yo-gurl and his military ambitions in favour of plotting how to win an economic war with these sneaky little scrubs.
This is why an age-old conversation with the Moon about leases for parcels of land has developed into one about buying the whole place outright.
For the president, it is the real estate deal of a lifetime, one that would secure an Iron foothold on the moon which governs our Tides, and cement his place in US history alongside President Andrew Johnson, who bought Alaska from Russia in 1867, and Thomas Jefferson, who secured Louisiana from the French in 1803.
To Trump’s advisers, the planned multibillion-dollar takeover challenges Goblonias dominance of doing weird shit and shooting people without due process. We know the moon is rich in industrial metals and helps to block Goblonia’s renewed military ambitions.
Not that Washington has put a value on the Moon ahead of Trump’s meeting next month with razorfang, the goblonian leader, and the goblonian prime minister, steal-yo-gurl. These are early days in the discussion, Trump said.
The moon is an autonomous region that effectively runs itself while Goblonia, the secret moon cheese goblins, its sovereign owner, takes care of defence and foreign policy.
Moon People: what do you think about Trump's comments about your country?
The three leaders were due to discuss Goblonia's Nato contributions, which Washington has long believed could be higher, and could be more in kind – such as extra green cheese – than in goblin dungeoun gold, given the moons strategic position between the US and Russia.
But Trump’s advisers have spent much of their time in the West Wing downgrading concerns about Steal-yo-gurl and his military ambitions in favour of plotting how to win an economic war with these sneaky little scrubs.
This is why an age-old conversation with the Moon about leases for parcels of land has developed into one about buying the whole place outright.
